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128. Oh The Good Life

Posted on: April 10th, 2011 by Colonel Crabtree-Smythe 1 Comment

Jamie oliver cartoonWelcome back ladies and gentlemen, back again eh? Anyhow moving ahead – my first port of call well the first point I wish to make is that Sage thinks that he can sing. Can you believe such nonsense? He says that he wants to go on tour with his new band and he was adamant to the point of wanting to kill me for sniggering and chortling about his plans and dreams of super stardom . He really thinks he can make it and that the name of his new band should be “Sage And Onion”, ladies and gentlefolk I ask you is the man Mackorkadale for real?

So I asked Sage who is going to be in his new collective, his new three piece his new world beaters as it were… and I have to say I nearly bit my tongue off trying not to laugh at the idiot Mackorkadale for he is deadly serious in this regard , and you won’t believe it when I tell you, but it’s true, the drummer is going to be the Sainsburys sales person Jamie Oliver. Sage ever the pretentious one has given Oliver a nickname he calls the Essex boy mockney reject “Fats Waller” after the world Famous American music man of the same name.

He also added to my amazement Sage that is he also mentioned to me that he is having Jamie or Fats as he calls him for short he going to have Oliver eat a big banana in Linda Lovelace pose on the album sleeve, for he beliefs with all sincerity that this image of the naked chef will alert Jamies gay fans into buying the album. Sage has said he will dress as Baden Powell for the same album cover he feels that this will get the kids interested. Like I say it was at that point I felt the warm blood gush down my throat as I pierced my tongue for the second time as I tried to avoid laughing in the fools face! Oh Sage you’re a stupid man, and the joke of all jokes is having that shark killer Ramsey the cook as the bass player.

I said that Ramsey can’t play the bass for toffee, and Sage said “that neither could Sid Vicious of the Sex Pistols play the bass and that is what the punk ethic was all about.” I said you can’t compare Ramsey the cook with the mercurial junkie Sid. And what the hell does sage know about Punk anyways? I mean we are talking about a man that thinks Chris De Burgh is cutting edge and that the Osmonds are pure rock legends!

It would also appear that Ramsey has a price for joining Sage And Onion, it happens that he wants to sing “My Way” on their first album also insisting that on their first gig he wants to bite the head off of a small shark in Ozzie Osborne fashion.

Ramsay has also (with malice aforethought) demanded that he has a bass pick fashioned out of a shark fin he mentioned in an interview with Larry King that “this will be his thing,” and that he “also wants to be shown on the album cover dressed as Roy Scheider of jaws fame with a fishing rod in one hand and his penis in the other,” what a hypocritical bastard. What manner of man is he this pitted ponce Ramsay? He that professes love for the nearly extinct great fish, and yet he was overheard in the dressing room while rehearsing with “Sage and Onion” he said that “green peace could stick it up there arse, and that if the sharks go they go that is the natural order of things!” Well it seems to me that the Chinese have got to our hero Ramsay they must have film footage of him fisting a chicken of something like, for he has changed his tune!

Sage now says that he is in search of a lead guitarist, perhaps he could get that French want-to-be pro Conservative Davis Cameron fan and ponce Marco Pierre White… just the sort of lowlife Sage looks up to, and I mean he looks up to them after of course assuming the position! Bunch of bastads each and ever one of them!

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One Response

  1. Lol This was for sure a good laugh. Sid and Ramsey would be the ultimate pair in any type of Tv Show.

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