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150. One Hundred And Fifty Not Out and He Still Has His Pads On!

Posted on: June 10th, 2012 by Colonel Crabtree-Smythe No Comments

So we reach another prince phillip jubilee cartoonland mark another flag in the sand, another flag of empire and where does it leave us? Well it leaves us on the beach with our knickerbocker swimmers on ready for the off!
All this while I sit here on my leather chesterfield trying to escape myself, trying to forget, but no matter how hard I try I’m always still here.
Oh God, this constant, sigh inducing, nothingness, not even an echo of peace for relief. For when the light has gone there really is nothing more to say other than perhaps I know that maybe it will all end soon! There seems to be no abatement,no let up, not here, not now, and maybe that is the point. This is where we carry the weight as tedious and hackneyed as it is and sounds ! We carry on. We carry on! Why? I will never know when really it doesn’t have to be like this, things could be so different !
I’ve been outcast and rejected, well if thats the case I will do the same to those feckers.

So I had nothing to do with the Jubilee 2012 celebrations, for as you maybe aware I have been barred from Balmoral, Windsor Castle and Chequers Court so in a fit of unadulterated anger I didn’t turn on my radio nor television or my Googling machine throughout the long gray depressing period of time that was the fucking Jubilee, I went on lock down so to speak!

Point is I had applied to row a boat in the flotilla forgive and forget I say but I was told to stay away or I would be arrested ! So I did stay away emotionally, physically, spiritually, mentally, and sexually ! All I wanted to do was row past the Queen and let off a firework in celebration of her reign ! A mere flea bite of celebration compared to all the other festivities but I was told to keep away from any part of the Thames by Boris Johnson and he said so in no uncertain terms!

Truth is I was going to aim the firework at Phillip for I owe him one from the time that he made me walk the plank all but naked while pissed on Glenmorangie during our active service on battleship HMS Ramillies protecting convoys of the Australian Expeditionary Force in the Indian Ocean! He had allowed me to keep on my old rugby jockstrap to “hide your modesty!” as he put it.

Now walking the plank doesn’t sound so bad and really it is just high jinx, but the Indian Ocean has man eating sharks in it, big fuck off man eaters, great whites, and the crew of the vessel had primmed my plank walk by pouring gallons of blood into the water before I walked. The touch paper lit I was sent to a possible death! I was fine as it was fine although I have to say I did snag my bats wing on the plank which did exacerbate things a tad and the orderly had to take me to the dispensary to see matron to have it soothed in witch-hazel. I spent two days in sick bay as a result of Phillip’s nonsense ! My bats wing in a sling healing slowly as my ego sagged and the misery of existence continued! Now people say im bonkers, but come on, at least I try to do things differently and show some class a bit of spunk!

Life is sanctioned chaos no doubt of that, fear is the key but thats not the point. I suppose what im trying to say is that everything that happens is allowed to happen by some force or other! So living how you want to live is the only freedom you have. And that has nothing to do with truth because the only kind of truth you’re ever going to find is with people (real people). Peoples stories are the only story’s that lead to the higher place when you live them, hear them, share them, feel them, smell them, touch them, fuck them, and kill them ! Make no bones about it shit and piss are inescapable no matter how fancy you wish to be! Yet madness and insanity has been flipped and those who stand sane from the side-lines are canned as cunts and nuts! So madness it is then by your standards by your means. I am a head case, so be it.

I don’t mind what the people say I never did , but just remember your the average ones, your the mediocre. I made my life a piece of art .. good or bad it doesn’t matter , right or wrong who gives a shit, I’m still here rolling with the punches and the knees and the elbows … I’m still standing like I was Elton John on the pull!

There is no way out for most of us we are born into this monopoly. This reality, this model, this idiocy! Where Kings, Queens, Popes and CEOs rule the proverbial roost. Where policemen and soldiers patrol the streets. We have no escape from the operating system,other than saying “No” I don’t want it but then we are outcast, simplified, ignored, and shat on! That’s how I like it … For I now know where I stand. Sitting in the distance with a drink and a smoke watching the parade thinking to myself that one day it will all be over, for me at least, but until then “let’s get retarded!”.

I am aware that it is just the beginning for some new born soul spat out of its mothers cunny screaming, for deep down it knows the hell of being alive! So we cling to things to try to make sense of it all, yet ultimately this is futile for all we really have is what goes on within us and that is the real story here ! So good luck with that, stick it where the sun don’t shine and remember im 150 not out and Ive still got my pads on regardless of what Sage may have to say on the matter . Thank you all for the support over the years and I hope we can continue with The Colonels Radioshow far into the future and hit that double century for I feel that would really piss off Phillip!

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