weekly comedy podcasts - subscribe

166. The Loon Goon-Paddy Power, Let Them Eat Smash!

Posted on: October 19th, 2013 by Colonel Crabtree-Smythe No Comments

Hello smash marketingladies and gentlemen I at last return yet sadly it is with a heavy heart. I once fought for freedom and democracy I once believed in the dream of England. I was all for the idea of building a new Jerusalem and ridding these shores of those dark satanic mills and what ever equivalent of them is today I don’t think we have any factories anymore! I thought that we wanted to build a utopia based upon philanthropy and free love where upon people could all live how they chose away from the white elite that wishes to crush anyone they deem below them or thinks differently in terms of agreeing that the current operating system is a crock of shit and does not have the rights of people at its heart. I was under the belief that no matter how hard life was people had a safety net which was and is why they pay taxes. That is what a society should based upon a reality where we put people first and not big business but as politicians become powerless in such a capitalist society where CEOs bankers, mining companies, arms-dealers and lobbyists run the show what do you expect when its all about pass the brown envelope nudge nudge wink wink.

What of those days when we all tried to do our bit so that as a whole nation we have a health service available to all, that we have education for our children no matter how poor they are that does not leave them in debt. I believed we had social housing so that when people fell on hard times the local councils could help them with accommodation and that poor people had somewhere to live. I hate this estate agent venture capitalist private enterprise bullshit that buys up council properties and rents them out at almost triple the value with no rent caps, so poor people who have a history in an area end up getting moved on, they get told to piss off because they cant afford to live in the borough that they grew up in,while a bland new type of wet wallies move in and take over. Property obsessed and in love with estate agent windows. I believed I paid taxes so that people who were on their ass had a safety net and did not end up on the streets on cold harsh winter evenings. There is enough for everyone to be fed, clothed, watered, housed, educated,kept warm and loved in this world.

I find this greedy land fill throwaway culture we live in to be tedious and grotesque it mocks the gods. The west live off other peoples pain and death and always have and yet it is people in the West who are always complaining because their soup was a little late or that they had to wait an extra five minutes for a tube train or airplane the sense of entitlement disgusts me. If you think that any politician has your back or cares about you and your own, you are naive to be nice and an asshole to be blunt. These vile white people, these vile arrogant cunts these imperialists, these bred to lead types the Ian Duncan Smiths, the William Hagues, the Michael Goves, Boris Johnston, David Cameron, Nick Clegg, Lynton Crosby, Theresa May, George Osbourne, Eric-the hut-Pickles, Nigel Farage another speck of shit on the shoe of a sewage worker. These are vile people who want to destroy lives and create fear. They tell you like the Nazis told the Jews just before they murdered them in their millions may I add that”WORK MAKES YOU FREE!”

These are the people who under the guise of dealing with a terrorist threat (which is bullshit) or dealing with people who they wish to deport under the smoke and mirrors of avoiding appeals and that they are doing it for our safety. We are protecting you, “HARD WORKING PEOPLE” and they wish to protect us by ridding the world of “HUMAN RIGHTS” so they can deport a couple of naughty Muslims without dealing with appeals but once human rights have gone people so will “DUTY OF CARE”go. Once that has become a reality your government will then be under no pressure to feed you house you or educate you. You will be and this is already happening be asked to work for nothing in a country where all the jobs were sold off and sent abroad the compassion camps are just round the corner and then national service and public buggery.

Now we had the Loon Goon in the studio recently and he was an angry fellow he claims to be an Irish revolutionary but I’m not sure he’s even Irish his accent was very sketchy, but he told me that had he witnessed with his own eyes Theresa May boiling immigrant children cackling as she did so while Eric-the hut-Pickles sat at the table salivating waiting for his “exotic” as he called it tucker. Now this Loon Goon sat in the studio in a balaclava and he was very aggressive he threatened us all with violence but off screen he told us that he had witnessed Lynton Crosby hunting in the Australian outback and his quarry was the aboriginal people, he had said that he was doing his bit for Australia and ridding the country of shirkers. He told me also and in confidence that he saw Ian Duncan Smith making love to a dwarf with his socks on, he said they were grey socks and it was a vile sight to see an all but naked Duncan Smith deep thrusting on a dwarf. The Loon Goons main bone of contention was that he was worried that the potato famine may happen again and that we should all be prepared and stock up on Smash. Fake mash ladies and gentlemen that’s when I started to get a little suspicious and came to the conclusion that he was a Smash salesman and had been swinging the lead. Ron became annoyed at the Loon Goon and violence nearly irrupted but I managed to keep the peace as that is what I am trained in but I shall keep my ear to the ground and will report any more developments in whatever regard.

Colonel's signature

Be Sociable, Share!


|


Leave a Reply