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26. I’m no pervert… not like Phillip Schofield

Posted on: April 16th, 2008 by Colonel Crabtree-Smythe 4 Comments

Sage in shortsIt would appear that ever since I let it slip about his circumcised manhood there is a total impasse in any form of dialog with the impassioned Yorkshire man Michael Parkinson. It seems that I won’t be appearing on his show in this the last series… The point being he has told Billy Connolly to ignore me when I go to see his wife Pammy for my next sexual therapy session. She teaches Sting’s five hour upside down hang dog method. I may well tell you my loyal viewers the ins and outs of that method at a latter date…

Now something new… Sage thinks I have an attitude toward Dick and Jude (Richard and Judy) as known to the public at large… But the truth is I wanted to get on their show to play-’You Play we Pay’. Sage covers his tracks all the time and keeps on saying “allegedly”. Allegedly this “allegedly” that he blames the Jewish fraternities for the Phone-in controversies on the Richard and Judy show-. The corporate pound pinchers he calls them… skull cap skullduggery it is. That’s what he said and I find that quite rude. I have always got on well with the Jewish Fraternities apart from Jurgen Klansman the diving ex-Spurs striker…

He also said there was a conspiracy that the Jews ran the world and want to take over Scotland so they can drain the Loch of Ness and fill it with the stolen daytime viewers coppers. And that, they the Jews, want to kidnap that pompous Scottish nationalist Elitist and James Bond impersonator Sean Connors… and to slide a golf club up his anal orifice. For this would keep him upright… And with his Highlander garb all a splay in the waves this would keep non-Jews away… For what a fearsome sight Connors would be.

It would be a complete deterrent for any passing divers and the monies would be saved for a rainy day of course. Jews eh? It’s the fear of you know that they have been put upon throughout the ages… It bring out the hoarding instinct. I know that my great uncle Silas Marmaduke has five sets of false teeth that he cannot bring himself to throw away. When challenged he just says; “well you never know when, how, who”… Make sense of that!

And now a little something on the Michael Jackson affair. But before I go into details, Sage wanted me to apologise to everyone, for what I don’t know, but I was at Newbury that day so I cant be blamed for what I’ve been accused of. Eamon Holmes irritated me as well the dull man that he is…

Philip Schofield the pervertThe Jurgen Klansman lectures were of interest to Sage. Klansman did mention Philips Schofield’s attitude to non Catholics. His hideous inquisition, like torturing of asylum seekers, who he thinks are after his job. He is quite bitter that he cant get back on childrens television and he thinks it’s because he is a whoopsy… But the true fact of the matter is that he was caught by an irate Alan Sugar abusing a Polish painter and decorator with the wrong end of a paint brush…a bitter man is Philip…

We also spoke about Sage’s sexual problems… he thinks I have feeling for him-but I see him as a son not a lover… I’m no pervert…

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4 Responses

  1. AlexM says:

    I found your site on technorati and read a few of your other posts. Keep up the good work. I just added your RSS feed to my Google News Reader. Looking forward to reading more from you down the road!

  2. Mike says:

    Eamon Holmes is really sleezy in front of his wife on TV about models on shows they do! Not sure if thats what this site or page or blog or whatever is about, but he so smarmy! maybe I misunderstand him but the way he grins an looks at these girls! no way would my mrs put up with that sort of thing, slimey git ew!

  3. Dave says:

    added your RSS feed too. Good articles and i really like the layout.

  4. One more added to the RSS, you crack me up so much!

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