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35. Adolf Hilter’s shorts

Posted on: May 12th, 2008 by Colonel Crabtree-Smythe 1 Comment

adolf hilter cartoonNow, as you are aware, Sage was the one on our last interview who took the mickey out of my long khaki shorts. He said that they were Eric Morecambe type shorts. Not at all funny in my book because what you see is not always funny when you know your history. The fact is, Sage, instead of seeing the obvious- that being my excellent loose fitting khaki originals he should have curtailed the foul sniggering and then he would have found out the historical significance of the said shorts…

In fact I have had them since the First World War. I didn’t buy them in Austen Healys or is it Reeds. Anyway, I took the said shorts off a Corporal who lay unconscious in the trench that we had just taken. It was just a souvenir… But at first I thought that the fellow was dead but as I was loosening his belt buckle the young Corporal awoke. I think he thought he was going to be buggerd to death by a bold Englishman… But not so, I am not a rapist. But when I had relieved him of his wonderful shorts he gasped with pleasure. I was not sure what was meant by this muffled expression but I was not around long enough to find out. I should have spiked the blighter then and there with my cold steel, but I was not to know that the shortless soldier was none other than a young Adolf Hitler! Time and place is everything my friends and another thing… The blighter copied what he thought was my little black moustache. So you see, I could have changed History on that fatefully day.

Oh by the way… Here is one for the history books – it wasn’t a moustache on my top lip it was a mud splatter… So you see Adolf got it wrong in the fashion stakes as well as the war itself. Always the fool was Adolf and I gave him the idea for his accursed book too. I must have left my papers in the trench. That caused a lot of problems in the long run I feel… I saw it as a satire but he took it seriously-bloody Kraut!

And another thing… Just to let you know is that I took pity on the shortless German and told him to play dead. I did notice that he had a set of darts in his top pocket and I didn’t have the heart to relieve him of them, even though they had Union Jack flights. Finally I must add the song is correct. He did only have one testicle and he did not have much of a German sausage…

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One Response

  1. Kevin W. says:

    the german sausage part almost made me barf – funny stuff though :)

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