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34. Australian Adventures

Posted on: May 12th, 2008 by Colonel Crabtree-Smythe No Comments

Ben Affleck CartoonSage also had a pop at my good friend Roger Agogo…Yes! He, Roger Agogo did not fair lightly with Sage’s abrasive tongue. He has implied that the little Nigerian is responsible for the death of Bob Woolmer, my old friend and sparring partner. Yes we used to beat the shit out of each other in the Old school yard. So you see why Sage has to be watched. I also told Sage in our last interview that the Germans are being stung by Van-Strapon`s super extremist Muslim catching mosquitoes. He said they deserve all they get. That it’s because of their German tendencies. He can be very cold can Sage, very cruel and very calculated. And I worry about his son… The sins of the fathers thy will be done…

Now I must say this with regard Sage’s attitude to our Australian adventures… My Australian adventures!… Sage wasn’t there. I do think I sensed scratchings of disbelief with regard Van-Strapon`s wonderful inventive nature. The thing is…It does strike me that Sage feels that my friendship with the now imprisoned Abu Hamza is a tall tale. Well, all I can say to that is… He should come with me on my next visit to Belmarsh Prison, making sure that he takes a little present. Abu loves full breasted English women these days and if I can get Sage to come with me on my next visit I shall give Sage my picture of Judy Finnigan (of Richard and Judy Fame). You know my friends, the one at the Awards Ceremony… The seeping mammaries. This would give him great pleasure on the lonely Belmarsh nights.

All this aside, I know the real truth behind the need for a picture of the voluptuous Judy. The thing is Abu has got quite excited about the film The Shawshank Redemption and has decided to have Finnigan’s poster on his wall to cover his proposed digging activity. Oh yes in Shawshank manner he is going to dig his way out of the prison. Abu has estimated that it should take thirty years to get to the outer wall… which is crazy because he should be out in ten! But I shall not say anything because it will keep the terror suspect occupied.

Another point to be made regarding this seemingly inane exercise… The fact of the matter is that because his hooks have been confiscated… He (Abu in Shawshank mode) will use a prison dessert spoon (Colonel whistles the Bridge over the River Kwai tune)… Sorry about that… that was the Bridge over the River Kwai not Colonel Boggy… I knew Boggy you know… a fucking coward… I had to smash a tray over his head. I then gave him a white feather… He was a bloody coward I can tell you… Bloody writing a song about Colonel Bogies… It should have been Colonel Crabtree Smythe! I’m sorry about that… Winston did I swear I thought Sage was after me for a second there?… He’s always there threatening me, betting me, saying he wants to rape and then throw me in the cupboard… Very bad man is Sage… Agessive crude and nasty. I am very frightened of him the things he makes me do when the Microphones go off!

And another point regarding the Australian adventures and the stories about the sordid Ben Affleck: For once Sage had to agree with the possibility of Affleck’s affiliations with Lynx cans in the rectum. I mean Afflleck has been seen in celebrity circles wailing like Graham Nortons Butler… And one can hear the seeping escaping gases of the Lynx cans and the vile smell of cheep perfumed Lynx seepages. I say Affleck is an animal a Lynx can fetisher who needs to be stopped. Because we have lost Steven Irwin there is only one man that can stop the hideous creature that is Affleck and his Lynx can fetishes is the wonderful unappreciated guardian of the Jewish coppers – the wonderful Highlander Shawn Conners. The fact is, Sage saw Affleck on the Parkinson show and he could hardly walk.

It would appear also that Sage has implied that I do not take the Slave Trade seriously and that I have a propensity for abrasive humour. All I can say is ‘not I’. Because I have read ‘The Souls Of Black Folk’ by W E B Du Bois… So you see I resent the implication.

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