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6. Cliff Richard’s Mum

Posted on: January 20th, 2008 by Colonel Crabtree-Smythe 2 Comments

I must mention of course one of the loves of my life: Mrs Webb. Cliffs Richards Mother… a fine figure of Womanhood. I will of course mention Mrs Webb later on (there is much more to the dear lady than meets the eye). I also tell of a most unusual plot to sort out the East End and once again Sage scoffed at the possibility of this potential happening, a happening that involves Babs Windsor.Alan Lamb

The fact of the matter is Van Strapon has perfected a way of bringing the twins back. This will be helped along by Babs herself… Also I must say… and I am sure that you picked up on it… Sage had an issue with the wonderfully poetic Derek Pringle who is well known (certainly to me) for espousing the merits of Romantic poetry. He is a big Lord Byron fan and he thinks he is part of that romantic breed of men. I think sage felt threatened by the great emancipator that is Pringle, but it is of course the Lamb and Botham incident that upset Sage the most. Sage suggested that it would have been better if it had been white flesh on the barbeque rather than that of little brown persons… shocking in its entirety… as if Cannibalism itself wasn’t bad enough for Sage.

You will remember I also told of how I fell out with my Son Matthew Crabtree Smythe, once again Sage scoffed and doubted my sperm count. You may well think how do a Father and Son stop talking… well, I will say this and hope you understand… he became a Jihadists and went to fight in Afghanistan. A problem in itself. I think I didMatthew mention my friend Abdul…if I didn’t I am now. Don’t be shocked, but he is a failed suicide bomber. I say this without reservation I don’t think his heart was in it. I met dear Abdul in Prison… that is, when he… Matthew that is… became a fan of the dangerous Cat Stevens. This I think softened him toward the views of the fatwa people. I am sure you will learn more about Abdul at a later date. I must also say that whilst in the clutches of the extreme Muslims, Matthew changed his name to Asif Jah Mohammad… I don’t know what it means but it is a very powerful name… but I must say I feel the Jihadists still saw him as an interloper, even though he tried to look like them with three layers of Tanfastic. All this aside my friends… it’s short hair cuts, close shaves and good old fashion Morris dancing for me…

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2 Responses

  1. Aiping Wang says:

    Kids who grow up with a more realistic picture of love, relationships and family living are much better prepared for life than those who are kept in ignorance and then are left to make the same mistakes as their parents.

  2. RON KRAY says:


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