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78. Dale Winton

Posted on: May 3rd, 2009 by Colonel Crabtree-Smythe 5 Comments

I would like to say that I feel that Dale Winton’s new Saturday night show is a step too far. Does the man Dale Winton cartoonhave no boundaries? I will say it because no one else seems to have the balls… Winton has been running amok for years now but I say he is a foul deviant, a gross manipulator of wanna be celebs. I, for one, feel that to have a show like Glory Holes aired on a Saturday night to be utterly distasteful. Children and politicians watch this show and I feel Winton has gone a step too far dragging Saturday night television into the gutter… where olde queens and garrulous queers saturate the air waves and each others backs… so come on Dale (not literally of course) was your Supermarket Sweep not enough? Is he not content to have Aftetrdinnerjab’s Iranian balls (a fertility symbol stolen by Winton)? Winton now has to suck out any common  decency from prime time Saturday night television… no pun intended. Indeed, that is what Winton’s show is all about – a prime time suck fest. Grotesque in its genesis and execution… Darren Gough should know better.

I would like to move on again and talk to you about Faye Featherlite who is having real problems in his life. I mean for starters he bursts into tears at the drop of a hat. Seriously, Sage dropped his hat and Featherlite broke like a poof at bedtime… very disconcerting… weeping and wailing and banging his fists on the wall. I feel Featherlite has a lot of pent up aggression. He said that he loved Sage’s hat and that it upset him to see it fall to the floor. Sage had not a jot of sensitivity at all and told him to toughen up or face the sack. What can I say other than what I’ve been trying to say all along since the start?… that Sage is a bastard who takes pleasure in other peoples suffering. But, with regard to Featherlite I do feel  that there is more to all this than meets the eye. I’ve said that Featherlite should go onto the Jeremy Kyle show to discuss his problems with the self righteous prick. For as we all know and are aware – Featherlite is at home with a self righteous prick in fact he loves them with a passion! But what do I know at the end of it all? I mean, Sage says that I should leave him alone, leave him to his own devises. But if I do that, Faye may do something really stupid like following Sergio Crease into the world of Cage Fighting and that would really be a disaster. To let Faye loose into the world of Mixed Martial Arts… I mean where would it all end? Faye said he would call himself ‘Faye-the Fist-Featherlite’. I suggested ‘Faye- the-Whiplash-Featherlit’e was probably more appropriate. I don’t know, each to their own I say.

So, I have taken pity on the lad and purchased a ticket for him to go to Dubai for a month or two so he can relax on the beach get his head together as it were. I mean he can’t get into any trouble there… or can he…?

Now, going back to Sage and his odd ways. He was wearing chain mail shorts one particular morning and he had a matching tank top on… and when I roger whittaker cartoonwalked into the studio he began to whistle at me like he was Roger Whitaker. I feel this is subliminal nonsense… Freudian slippery. I think Sage was sexually apprehended by Roger Whitaker after his performance with him on ‘Jim will Fix It’. Sad in its essence but the chain mail I feel was worn as a form of anal lock-out… a protection against whistling rapists. It’s not a water tight theory but a theory none the less. I mean – why on God’s melting Earth would anyone wear chain mail shorts and a matching tank top while whistling Dixie if they were not tying to avoid another anal experience? Or perhaps on the flip side – he was trying to invite it? Like I say, Sage is a creature I haven’t yet been able to totally work out and understand… what with his subterfuge, lies, deceit and crappery…

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5 Responses

  1. bill Webster says:


  2. I think Winton should be forced to wear the Newcastle double banana shirt in all tv broadcasts and Graham Norton made to do talk in a cheeky cockney chimney sweep accent all the time

  3. You nailed it, Dale Winton’s new Saturday night show is taking things too far, Hole In The Wall is a stupid program and I could definitely do without it. Heck, can’t people come up with some original stuff instead of copying some Japanese programs? (Hole in a wall is an adaptation of the Japanese game Brain Wall (also known as “Human Tetris”). Well, best option is – switch channel.

  4. Steve says:

    I think he should go to Dubai. There`s always a risk…

  5. VVS says:

    Winton is going way over the line, i dont even get it how they can show him on tv. Disgrace to mankind. :)

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