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133. Tales from Berlin

Posted on: June 19th, 2011 by Colonel Crabtree-Smythe No Comments

Dr Who CartoonW elcome back to my memoirs ladies and gentlemen. I have reached the end of the road and my tether, my rope has unravelled and the anchor has failed to reach the bottom of the ocean yes I have been sent mad what with Sage and his dismissive manner. To get to the point Sage has insulted the wonderful Fern Britain; he has said he would like to see her in the nude, well, not completely naked… I mean Sage is not a complete animal. He (Sage that is ) wants to see her naked but with her little apron on, and seeing her adequate posterior whilst she cooks a fried egg would Sage says give him immense pleasure. Not my cup of tea ladies and gentleman but then again I have been drinking coffee of late so what can I say ! Anyhow moving forever onwards I also made mention and told him Sage that is that I was to be stationed in a local school to teach the youngsters about discipline, he (as per-fucking-usual) scoffed and remarked that the world had run mad, and that to have me in a school would be like brining back the Spanish Inquisition for non believers or the guillotine for Aristocrats! Schooling ladies and gentleman is a problem and has been for too long. I say children have been allowed to run amok by liberals with no balls in their over worked scrotums for far too long now. I mean… due to these scrotumless lefties we lost our Empire, they made us give everything back . The point is they (the young that is) don’t know the meaning of order, discipline and control, and I say bring back the whip or we will end up with another generation of retarded adults. I know Prince Philip agrees with my policy to whip the children to within an inch of death like they were Christ and I was a Roman centurion. I know that he agrees with my plan to dunk them head first into the lavatory bowl like they were Ian Beale and I were a Mitchell brother.

I say bring back the slipper, the cane, the punishment buggery. Smash the little fuckers into submission, never forget ladies and gentleman this is how we maintained an empire… We need to get the proles back to wearing cloth caps and looking to the ground when a better enters the room. I mean… Heinrich Himmler was a fan of our policies and you can’t say fairer than that. I mean he was the ultimate in disciplinary action and he respected our public school system, so it can’t be all bad. No more kid gloves or “I respect your opinion”… how can I respect your opinion, your opinion is meaningless, this is the military and my word is final and I am better than you until you prove otherwise. Prove to me that you are worthy to sit at the top table with the Mayfair Set, the Bullingdon brigade, the Eton Rifles the Lords of the Manor….

“Don’t back chat me boy or I will cut off your hand,” “Oh you want to mug me do you? Well take this – a nice fresh bayonet to the gut…! Not so cocky now are you with your hood eh?” I’m all for fairness and respect all round but this must be earnt with actions of valour and guts…. Sage thinks I’ve lost the plot and says that my ego has got the better of me I say “no” to this accusation – I say “ needs must,” and I stand by my actions and my words.

N ow moving on… for I would just like to say that I think that “Doctor Who” has become far too explicit for prime time Saturday night television what with Rose Tyler becoming a prostitute sleeping with men for money. Is this what we pay the licence fee for? But and I know one should not start a sentence with but, but if ever there was a time to do so this is it. But now what with Dr Who’s latest adventure the line has been pushed beyond the bounds of gentle fun what with full blown buggery taking place in the Tardis! Yes the Dr. was buggering for Britain in a recent episode, Sage tried to give some nonsense that it was the actor who plays the doctor playing Christopher Isherwood but that just makes it sound even more perverse and I do believe that Sage is envious of those debauched pre-war activities in Berlin and I think deep down he enjoyed the Doctor Who episode as well!

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