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126. Woe betide the eunuchs

Posted on: March 13th, 2011 by Colonel Crabtree-Smythe No Comments

H ello ladies and gentlemen, freaks and Elton John Cartoon other such human manifestations. I say welcome to my website my radio show or my pod-cast for you world weary pedantic tossers out there. What else can I say? The point is I used to run an empire, the greatest empire the world has ever seen. None of this prissy economic imperialism we have today but one based on divide and conquer, repression and control, however, I have now been marginalised sent out to the paddock with Mackorkadale and his pathetic cronies.
N ow like some of you must be aware of by now I have been involved with Sage for a good few years, and he refuses to evolve his ideas and see that the world is no more than “ridiculous” and should be seen as such but It seems to me that Sage doesn’t know his parsley from his paisley and the point is he thinks it actually matters.
A llow me to elucidate my little fruit cups it seems apparent to my well trained trigger finger that Sage has a problem with the wonderful British institution Elton John and more to the point, fruits. Yes Sage seems to have taken issue with the new liberal trend of same sex couplings adopting babies.
Yes as per usual Sage is acting like a mad Mullah with a stick in charge of primary school children in a mosque, suggesting that the Aids is an issue in terms of possible dangers in the future with child rearing. I say don’t be shocked good people this is normal procedure for Sage; It is just like Sage to decry Elton John’s philanthropic nature and essence. I mean to suggest that Elton is a Jaffa with the Aids is awful and homophobic.

I have to say it gets worse my little cotton pickers, I mean to say to advice the little syrup wearing porker Elton John to give an African mother trinkets in exchange for one of her offspring’s is an awful state of affairs.
I say it makes you wonder , well it certainly make me question Sages potency and I tend to wonder if Sages so called off-spring Maximilian isn’t the product of some unscrupulous third world exchange exercise. So I pose the question is Max Mackorkadale really a Mackorkadale at all? I suppose and surmise that the truth is out there somewhere and that a DNA test would really sort the men out from the boys. He Max that is could have come from one of those third word orphanages in Botswana and if this be so, be proud of your little Botswanan child Moswen Sage, and tell the truth, and let your youngster Max (Moswen) know about his less than humble beginnings, why hide a good deed from your public Sage, be a man. Or is it you who is the proverbial Jaffa Sage? Seedless and pathetic just how you describe the wonderful Elton John, and due to this fact you refuse to put your cards on the table your reputation on the line for fear of being castigated by those of us who have sperm like whale blubber potent to the very end. Allow me to add that Moswen when translated actually means “light in colour” which to my well trained brain is clue enough that Sage is not the true father, he went for a lighter skinned baby to try to throw me off the sent but im no fool Sage, im no fool ! Why oh why didn’t you take my active swimmers my wall paper paste of a sperm when I offered all those years ago? Why did you act so proud and refuse my adequate channel swimmers? Is it because it was me?

S age let me give you some sound advice dear boy, pride comes before a fall and as the late great Billydky one suggested, “know your enemies, ego and pleasure, and that the truth repeats itself endlessly”, and I say you have been rumbled and yes you will fall Sage old chap, surely it is time to tell little Moswen where he comes from, he will understand I’m sure.

M oving on to another aspect of Sage’s lack of compassion for the other man’s plight, if not the other man’s plight, the other man’s situation on this Gods earth. I mean to insult the Inuit people from the far reaches of our London studio, to decry the people of the frozen seas as it were, well! I say to mistake the Inuit’s for eunuchs is borderline retarded, to say that they were without their man parts, is typical of Sage, the man is I believe in the early stages of senility, and if that wasn’t enough, he suggested that they the wonderful patrons of the north, shit on the ice.

I explained to the crack pot that the fine Inuits, that these grand proud people make little circular holes in the ice and relieve themselves into the water, shit on the ice how dare he, what a buffoon. Inuit people shit on the ice, my left foot, not the great poets left foot, no my left foot for when you behave like a Nigerian traffic warden, a man without compassion, a man who gives out his metaphoric ticket to all who cross his path, well my dears my bunion throbs…

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