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140. Falling over with Miranda

Posted on: November 20th, 2011 by Colonel Crabtree-Smythe No Comments

Hello ladies and gentle Miranda falls overfolk the Colonel here and it’s time to talk about dark matters and I don’t mean the contents of Alvyn Lindwalls dungarees! For when I say dark matters I really do mean it. It is Sage again encouraging a great mind to go bad. When I say encourage I mean just that. I think the great inventor Otis Van Strapon’s new invention should be openly discouraged by Sage who has always somehow had an influence on the reprobate  renegade genius that is Van Strapon ever since I had introduced them to each other while swimming at the Ironmonger Row Baths one fateful day.

So I say to you or at least I put it to you Sage that artificial intelligence is a no-no-and should remain as such. I say to have Otis Van Strapon in charge of the world by virtue of leaving behind his essence when he is gone from this Earthly plain is fucking ridiculous! For tis I – Colonel Crabtree-Smythe – that shall be the one man left fighting, the last man standing when all is said and done. It will be I left to fight against the state and system, the rank and file that has shunned me for years! I shall be the saviour of the known universe! We can’t have Van Strapon’s brain hooked up to a super computer “not on your nelly.” I mean – how can you Sage, how can you agree with the sullied inventor when he says that the esteemed comedian Miranda Hart must be the first one to bite the dust like she was Freddie Mercury! Yes they plan to kill Miranda when the super brain is functional due to her lack of imagination in the realms of sitcom comedy!

I in fact have seen her on the Graham Norton show and she didn’t fall over once! I know she wasn’t particularly funny and I did find myself wishing that she would fall over and collapse. So in some ways I can see where Sage is coming from, but to kill her is going a bit too far !

But not for Sage… he still is plotting her demise by shooting her in the head with the Van Strapon’s patented laser computerised worm invention! So cruel… and in my view unnecessary to say the least! For I feel the new tecnology could be better used. It is an absolute fact that Otis Van Strapon is brilliant, but insular in as much as he is a misogynist of the highest order! When I pointed this out to Sage he “cocked a deafen” as it were! I think Sage likes the violence of it all and his ego led madness really is starting to get the better of him!

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