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109. French and Italian issues

Posted on: May 30th, 2010 by Colonel Crabtree-Smythe No Comments

As we move jane fonda cartoonforward into the flickering night and the mist of time is filled with crass illusion as man contemplates his fate… as the gods look on in mocking wonder I feel I must say this with regard Sage’s pretend conservatism. Point is my dears Sage has outdone himself by mocking the wonderful actress, shampoo salesperson and philanthropist Jane Fonda, and in doing so he has left me feeling somewhat nonplussed and if not the former he has left me feeling suicidal as I find out more and more about Sage’s gross impediments. I think what I am trying to say is that if Jane wants to show her naked flesh on screen – well – full power and respect to her and I for one will be tuning in, but Sage said it was cheap. You would have thought that the sixties never happened or perhaps I should say they never happened for Sage. The fact that Jane antagonized her Republican father Henry is neither here nor there. I mean she’s done some good things in her time after all is said and done she was an anti war activist.

Yes a freedom fighter of consequence, she fought for women’s rights with Germaine Greer. All things Sage is puritanically against… he thinks women should stay in the kitchen and cook eggs. Jane Fonda is an anathema to Sage… he doesn’t understand that we must move forward as a society and evolve. And also, if people resist the way forward they should be shot, not very progressive you may say but sometimes needs must where the devil drives. Purification I say, get with the program or get crushed. The fact that she does advertisements for hair care products doesn’t contradict her nineteen sixties activist viewpoint. The essence of what I’m trying to convey to Sage is that the woman thinks that she is worth it, and who are we to argue? I say perhaps she needed the monies that she got for the said advertisement and surely that is the point, “money makes the world go round” as dear Liza Minnelli reminded us… just before the Nazis began marching across Europe killing non believers like Muslimists on a Fatwa binge, yes and one might say great fun was had by all… depending on your point of view. And I’m sure great soulful Edith Piaf would agree “non je ne regrette rien” after all; I’m sure she could have done with a good pair of glasses when she went blind in her youth.

I suppose one could say it’s a good job that the reaper took Edith when he did for I would hate to think of her adhering to the blasphemy of such a poignant song being used in such a way by cunts in advertising and marketing. Truth is however; I never saw her wearing glasses anyway. Enough said perhaps… other than to say when I do start going blind I won’t be going to Spec-savers, I’d rather fumble around in the dark like Ray Charles did with his ever erect member throbbing whilst the Beatles song A Hard Days Night played on the turntable, all this as Yoko Ono pretends to pray for peace and love, a complete false dawn. Nothing is as it seems, sorry John your missus is a sell out. Perhaps when all is said and done Jane Fonda couldn’t afford to pay her electricity bill, I suppose what I’m saying is that everybody deserves a hot bath at least twice a week especially Jane the old bird that she is. Yes she (like me) is well beyond her three score years and ten and is now of a pensionable age. I mean to say – she may have a little rheumatism or worse still she could be incontinent and or be cursed by the vague whiff of urine that plagues people of her age… especially Hollywood types.

I knowjanefonda-rogervadim Jane Fonda doesn’t get much work in terms of movie making these days and may need the money for air fresheners and the shampoo money could well be a consolation in this regard. Moving on so as to finish up… I know Sage has a copy of the film Barbarella and has been heard to say that it is a vile piece of movie making and that it is no wonder Fonda married a Frenchman. Truth be told I think Sage is jealous of the French and Italians with regard their open attitude towards sex and its issues. I mean sexuality is an open book as far as the French and Italians are concerned, the point being – they can have a mistress without some Piers Morgan looking over their shoulder and judging them like the fawning idiots they are. Now ladies and gentlemen I know why Sage has been so defensive on this front, I fear that ‘the lady does protest too much.’ Yes – whoever smelt it dealt it, and whoever denied it supplied it, and I stand by that. True MI5 tactics there good friends. Harry Pearce would be proud to see me in motion and at work. Of course I am perfectly aware he is a fictional character… I am totally aware of that fact, but this is not the point.

I mean: if I could climb walls with miraculous aplomb and I said ‘I’m so good at climbing walls that Peter Parker would be proud’ you would let that pass so why not let the Harry Pearce reference go you judgmental hicks! Get off my back! But yes, Sage has been having a sort of affair with a spinster of this parish for some time. I say the lady in question is none other than the vile looking Lesbionic bearded lady and abattoir worker Miss Evone Windybank. What sort of name is that? And I also ask why Sage would get himself involved with a bearded lady who works as a pig gutter during the week and a chicken feather plucker on Sundays. In true fact Miss Windybank reminds me of the masculine looking Lady Dorothy “Cavendish” Macmillan the wife of the former Prime Minister Harold Macmillan. Perhaps I shouldn’t have said anything but Sage is so holier than thou and it makes me angry… I hate self righteousness and all its seedy avenues of ego and self serving pandering to the mass consensus of opinion. Although I must add… I don’t even think he has managed to get her to take her clothes off in six weeks of asking, I think that he is scared of what he might find underneath that chicken pluckers bib and brace.

He is no Casanova is our Sage but I fear for him, I do think that it will all end in tears and I am in no doubt in this regard. Sage likes to think that he is a European but like the dunderhead that he is, he has gotten the Italian premier Silvio Berlusconi mixed up with Béla Lugosi the Vampire film star of the 1930s. Sage you’re a foolish man and will you never learn? The man thinks he is a Latin lover, a passionate fop, a thrusting hero… but all Sage will find is that his inspiration Béla Lugosi was so entrenched in vampire mythology. So much so that he was buried in his cape and fangs for effect. And I have it on good authority that Sage has had it written into his will that he wants to be buried in his best fur lined shorts with a radio microphone in his pocket. You’re an idiot of the first order Sage Macorkadale! I say if you are going to take inspiration from a Latin lover at least pick the right man! Poor Sage… getting it wrong at every turn… he is a twerp in a bow tie. It wouldn’t surprise me if he had taken love making tips from Ashley Cole, that’s the sort of man Sage is, the man Macorkadale is sex mad, a clandestine philanderer.

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