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69. The Gary Glitter Incident

Posted on: February 2nd, 2009 by Colonel Crabtree-Smythe No Comments

It was only a matter of time before the return of the now infamous backroom boys Faye Featherlite and Winston (true philanthropists like Bill Gates but without the money or intelligence) from what proved to be a misguided trip to Thailand. But, in their own heads they are better. Sage had threatened them with the sack… a cruel act because he had every intention of bringing the pair back into the fold as far as I could see. He is still pulling the wings of flies and watching them try to get off the ground, so it goes without saying that they will be back forthwith. The point about it is and was this: They had gone to Thailand to help Garry Gad Glitter after his brush with death and this near tragedy, in Featherlite eyes of course, had brought up a lot of repressed memories in him. As a youth he had spent many long hours with the now disgraced and fallen leader and felt he had to go to Gads bedside. The past had to be faced and he needed to look his tormentor in the eye one last time.

I feel that Sage should have been more sympathetic towards Featherlite and his needs. He should have given him paid leave… I mean having himself been tampered with in the past he should have understood Featherlite’s issues of deep torment. But Sage refuses to admit to his lanyard being tugged by that dirty dog of a Scoutmaster Ernest Pickering Foster – a cad of the first order I say. I knew Pickering-Foster so I know what Sage was up against. Yes! I in fact I had led a Scout Troop of young boys up the famed Box Hill and the blighter Pickering-Foster asked me if I wanted a crisp…a kind offer, I thought. As I put my hand in the Walkers pouch I felt the mans little flaccid todger. The thought is as awful now as it was then… even now I shudder at the memory of Pickering-Fosters inane grin as I squashed the head of his morbid thruster and he flinched in pleasure. At first I thought that it was one of those little blue wrappings containing the salt but I soon realised that I was the victim of a filthy dirty sexual trap and after chastising the scoundrel that was Pickering -Foster he explained in all innocence that it was something that he had picked up from a young Gary Lineker and that the damage had been done all those years ago when Gary was playing for Leicester City. You can see the links in Gary’s lifestyle as we speak, the Crisp fetisher that he is. So, yes I know Sage’s persecutor and I know what dear Sage lives with every day. But to play with Featherlite’s feelings well! Its awful and almost unforgivable…

Anyway like I say – the backroom boys did return and as they both entered the studio, tail between their legs and explanations at the ready, Sage looked as smug as ever and self righteous and judgmental as always. Completely refusing to accept that Faye Featherlite (regardless of how hideously Glitter had treated him) did care about the leader of the gang.  Sage even mocked Featherlite’s repetitive tourettes-like sexual noises which I feel Faye uses to release the tortures of the past.. as he remembers those days when he used to back comb Garry Glitters hair hide in it and sing.

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