weekly comedy podcasts - subscribe

131. The Tales of a Gay Romper Stomper

Posted on: May 21st, 2011 by Colonel Crabtree-Smythe No Comments

John Galliano CartoonOh dear Sage, it seems that you have gone too far this time, calling my good friend and partner in crime John Galliano a Jew bashing Romper Stomper. To be more precise you called him a gay Romper Stomper in a romper suit which to be honest is beyond the pale. I mean to say – has the man not been through enough what with his Nazi rant in a coffee shop and now you slur him further. I mean Sage, the man Galliano has lost his job, he has been made redundant in these times of austerity. He will have an economic struggle on his hands as no one will work with him again and now that his brother in arms… the freedom fighter as he saw him… Osama Bin Laden is said dead he our man Galliano has no where to run. However would you let it go? No Sage, you go in for the kill with your size tens “gay romper Stomper indeed”. I have to say it is a little harsh but then again, however, when one actually has a glass of London gin and actually contemplates the situation- it is said that Galliano has many pictures of Russell Crowe from his Romper Stomper days all over his bedroom wall, is this a give-away? Perhaps Sage is right, I don’t know, it could just be lustful infatuation on Gallianos part and just because he said a few words out of place in public on one particular occasion all those months ago doesn’t mean that Romper Stomper is his favourite film. However, lets get to the point the substance of this story for as we know on the strength of this revelation Galliano, as I mentioned above has lost his job, but my point is when dear Heir Hitler said the same things as the gay Romper Stomper Sages words not mine! He Hitler that is got a job as German Chancellor I ask where is the fairness in that? I say it’s political correctness gone mad… I think Galliano is being picked on because of his homosexual leanings.

Yet even in saying that there is a stop sign in my head, suspicion reigns eternal, the jury holds its breath. For I must add – it is said that John has just had a number 18 tattooed on the back of his head which I must explain is a right wing number as the 1 represents A, the first letter in the alphabet and the 8 signifies the 8th letter in the alphabet which as we all know is an H . AH , Combat 18 it’s all in the code my good people (AH=Adolf Hitler). So Gallianos tattoo being a taboo might me a bit too much for some to stomach but hey it takes all types. But the point is we all make mistakes. I mean to say I reported a bus conductor on one occasion for calling me an imperialist pig.

I only suggested that he looked a little like Stepin Fetchit or more to the point I called him “Steppy” the affectionate name I had for my little servant chappy from my days undercover keeping an eye on Medgar Evers the so called civil rights trouble maker in the deep south of America. All I can say about the Evers family apart from their well to do politics was that Mrs Evers made the best sweet potato pie I have ever eaten. Point is Steppy became a film star in the late nineteen twenties, he was to make a great number of black and white films including “In Olde Kentucky,” “The Galloping Ghost,” “A tough Winter” and “Muhammad Ali The Greatest,” the man was famous I tell thee and Step and Fetchit was his nickname anyhow.

The name on his birth certificate was Lincoln Theodore Monroe Andrew Perry a very regal name in my book and let’s get down to brass tacks here – Step and Fetchit was the first black American millionaire and this was long before Jay -Z or those other two over rated retards Shaun-Puffy- Combes and that other jackass Kanye West. Although I have to add the IRS unfortunately caught up with Steppy and he was made bankrupt in 1947, and sadly he died in 1985 from pneumonia and I went to his funeral and I have to say the spread afterwards was wonderful… sweet potato pie all round. His memory should not be lost. He was a pioneer so why forget his wonderful lifes work? So I ask – what the problem? It’s not as though I called him the bus conductor that is Blakey from “On The Buses.” Now that would have been offensive to suggest that one is a fucking retard with a Jimmy Hill chin, a speech impediment and a Hitler moustache. I once stabbed a man in the neck with a teaspoon for calling me Blakey from On the Buses, but it turned out he was trying to sell me some Blakey shoe protectors, metal blakeys for the soles of my leather shoes. I suppose in the Bus Conductor’s eyes I may have seemed politically incorrect , but the point is Steppy was my friend and his shoe shining was renowned. Anyway the bus driver kept his job and I was banned from the no. 8. Bus. But the point I am making is that the bus conductor kept his job and I was punished, not fair I say, but on the basis of Galliano losing his livelihood for a few ill-chosen words, well it’s pot and kettle as far as I am concerned.

Finally I just want to clear up my own oil spill in the Gulf, Sage thinks that I have a down on the people of Stamford Hill and East Finchley, he says that I favour the Muslimists of Finsbury Park and the Paganism of East Dulwich, he says that because my son is a failed suicide bomber I favour Allah more than Christ. I tell you now Sage my son is doing good work for “Fathers For Justice” and is planning a protest on behalf of the beleaguered fathers out there. He is even going to kidnap no. 10 Downing street’s cat, the ransom being a change in the law regarding fathers access to their children… so put that in your pipe and smoke it Sage… my son is a freedom fighter like the two late great anti-imperial revolutionaries Che Guevara and Osama Bin Laden… both murdered by the CIA and the Bilderberg fraternity. Peace be upon them both, and my son – and rats to you Davis Cameron and your big society bullshit.

Colonel's signature

Be Sociable, Share!


|


Leave a Reply