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113. Geri Halliwell and Fanshaw Candelabra

Posted on: July 4th, 2010 by Colonel Crabtree-Smythe 4 Comments

So ladies and gentlemen,Geri Halliwell cartoon taking in to account the past happenings with regard to Sage’s journalistic fantasy and trip to Gloucester. Point is I didn’t and couldn’t take him too seriously when he disclosed to me that he was going to dig deep into Fanshaw Candelabra’s life. I mean – to ask Geri Halliwell on to the show is one thing but to demand that she wear her union Jack dress with no knickers is perverted beyond the realm of decency, and having got her on the show, to use cockney terminology he “mugged her off” as it were… by trying to get her to speak about the time she had sat on Fanshaw Candelabra’s face while wearing no knickers and her famous union jack dress.

I personally have not a bit of time for the talentless United Nations representative but to get her on his show on the pretext of talking about her so called music and then blindside her with sexual innuendo is classless…. actually I think that it is rather naughty -  an ambush of sorts… like she was general Custer and Sage was Sitting Bull.

Although Sage did manage to get a good up skirt shot using his webcam and he was also heard to say in private that she was scalped like Custer himself, I tried to explain to him that vaginal baldness was all the fashion these days… but Sage nevertheless replied by telling me that he was a “murkin man” himself. Each to their own I say. The point about all this ladies and gentlemen is that it seems that ever since Fanshaw gave Sage an ego boost by saying he was like a young David Frost, well!… all I can say is the compliment has gone to his head. It seems that a new edgy Sage has emerged… but don’t worry my good people – I was there to temper the circumstance when he asked Halliwell who the father of her coffee colored child is.

Maybe the rumors of a secret liaison between Nelson Mandela and the Ginger Spice on Robben Island are true – that she was in the dead of night snuck into his jail cell with a sack on her head. Maybe she really does think that it is Nelson’s love child that she carried. But we all know better. We all know that it was Fanshaw Candelabra who had impregnated Halliwell after a meeting between the two of them in the Zulu club. It is said that Fanshaw wooed her by asking her to pull his finger then farting… Who says romance is dead?

All in all I feel that Sage has no right to open up old wounds and that particular can of worms… the point about it is she may well be proud and happy with the notion that she is the mother of Nelson Mandela’s love child, and who wouldn’t be? So I think the best conclusion to this whole affair is silence – because you don’t want to wake the beast in Fanshaw Candelabra… for you could very well manifest the “Zulu Dance of Death” and you wont’ like it Sage… You won’t like it dear boy when Fanshaw lubricates his man part with his own phlegm, holds you down like he was Simon Adebisi the gigantic, deranged maniac of Nigerian descent from Oz and rapes you with African rage… then leaves you limp on the floor with a symbolic feather duster up your ass… a Zulu signature of surrender, remember Rawks Drift Sage… it could all end badly dear boy… back off Sage otherwise it could be your end (If you pardon the pun).

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4 Responses

  1. Nelson says:

    That is the worst South African accent I have ever heard.
    Although it is still funny.

  2. RONNIE KRAY says:

    Fanshaw was wearing a Zulu suit and a rubber nose…

  3. surfwear says:

    there’s too much vaginal shaving going on in this day and age, it’s not natural man. Take me back to the 1970′s and 80′s when the average woman had a bush that would make even the most militant lesbian activist deeply ashamed and embarresed were she to sport one these days…

  4. Im am a South African…more so than you white boy Africans…..

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