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From humble beginnings to nothingness

Posted on: October 26th, 2009 by Colonel Crabtree-Smythe 2 Comments

Hello my loyal fans, allow me to begin…
It seems to me that Sage has gone a little crazy in recent times. Yes ever since I mentioned the Knob Brothers and their checkered history Sage has been singing ‘Tan Chords And Slip On Shoes’ their first single… inspired by the time I took them shopping in the west end of London. The thing about it is, is that Sage has become obsessed. It seems he sings it all the time… the point about it is he was always a little susceptible to a hooky tune but this is ridiculous. I in fact preferred his last obsession… I mean at least it was quiet .  However, to pick ones nose and to flick the muck into Featherlite tortured riah is awful no less. Yes it smacked of homophobia and right wing persecution but like I have always said – Sage has issues beyond that of the norm. But, this new obsession I say come on… Sage’s love of all things Knob is driving us all off kilter . I know for a fact that even Featherlite misses the globs of snot trickling down his hair and marking his makeup.

So Sage listen fast…We want our bogey boy back Please come home all is forgiven. I mean proof further of Sage’s love of all things Knob is that he has ordered Gaylord Crimson to tailor him some tan chord shorts with a tasselled hem line and I know for one that it would really be too much to bare …

Now, I would like to make another point with regard Sage’s attitude toward all things Knob, well truth be told his attitude in general. All I would say is – Sage don’t criticise people with one breath and then sing their song with another. I say you’re all on top… Yes all on top as it were… like Kimbo Slice and his ground game or the melting snow of Kilimanjaro… but I know that you have booked a studio to record the Knob Brothers song. I say forget. The Knobs will sue. So let the Knobs have their day in the sun and don’t try to steal their thunder.

Moving on as I do…It has also come to my notice that Sage has been onto Nipper Reed and his cold case crowd in relation to opening the long since closed Joe Meek murder investigation… letting slip that Clarence Knob (the fine Tuba player) was responsible for Meeks demise. All I can say is ‘let it rest big boy don’t get involved with things that you cant control and that go to the heart of government and high society’… like the John Bindon saga or the Boothby affair or the Profumo scandal or worse still the Prescott Sex tapes …

So Sage you must understand that the Knobs have friends in high places, remember Lord Lucan? Of course you do. Well just you look before you leap into a pile of horse shit… don’t turn the embers Sage, don’t whip up the flames of the past don’t titillate the titties. All I will say on this matter is that Clarence Knob is well protected by the powers that be. Lord Lucan is still out there Sage – although he is in his mid to late seventies so he not as agile as he used to be, but he still packs a punch and as I say – so is Clarence Knob… still on the run. And they (Clarence and Lucan) are closer than ever. Yes the tie is tight between the two ever defiant ones like they were Sydney Poitier and Tony Curtis chained together for all time.

But can I say while I have the chair – Lord Lucan is innocent like General George Dyer… he gave the order he didn’t pull the trigger… But I can say no more about sweet Sandra Rivett the Lucan childrens nanny for I even fear for my life.

So enough is enough Sage – look at the Diana Saga for Christs sake… don’t mess with the Right-Honourables Sage… or it will be guts and garters… For Lucan may be known as lucky but I fear luck won’t come into it where you are concerned. So shut it or you will be hunted down like the sewer rat you are and stomped on.

Oh and Sage? Just a little postscript to the above like I was Columbo… when you go into the studio I wouldn’t record ‘Tan Chords And Slip On Shoes’ if I were you… I should do that other song ‘A White Sports Coat And A Pink Carnation’ – just you remember the Knobs and Lucan have got you by the balls. Like you were Paul Gascogne and they were Vinnie Jones… So hold onto your part Sage before Clarence gets a grip… I know his twist is devastating.

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2 Responses

  1. Firstly WELCOME BACK COLONEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    I need you in my life!
    OK now that’s over with, got a bit of important news for you mate, the link which arrives usually in the form of an RSS feed via my RSS feed reader, called FeedDemon, is how I always grab the show when it appears in there.
    However, this weeks link is a bad link!
    It does not download the show as per usual. it just keeps returning the mesage ‘Failed Download’.
    So I came here and downloaded it from the page, thank you. :)
    Just thought someone should let you know about that so you can maybe fix it. A lot of people might be missing the show as they don’t hjave the required technical ability to come to the page. Hehe!
    Looking forward to the show now so must dash!

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