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51. Eating Ian Hislop

Posted on: August 16th, 2008 by Colonel Crabtree-Smythe 1 Comment

Ian Hislop cartoonWelcome back to my world people and assholes alike.

I must say I think Sage has finally run mad. He has lost his proverbial plot and I fear for his overall sanity in a major way. I have grown to love Sage; in a platonic sense of course, for I have no desire to pull back his foreskin and to repeat the action until the obvious conclusion. Even so, I will always see him as a waste of space and his nasal hair bothers me. He tries to pluck them… although he makes an awful mess of it like a cancer patient, but I suppose, that in itself is commendable. Of course he always seems to let himself down in the end and has proved this on many subsequent occasions. For instance; like leaving a log in my lavatory that I had to break up with a mop handle and a solution of caustic soda. Sage refused to accept responsibility for his rebellious turd. But I know it was him because it could have been not a body else, for Fay Featherlite (whom he tried to blame) had not left his seat all night and I know for a fact he was wearing a butt plug (the circumstances of which I don’t want to go into). Yes the whole thing smacked of hypocrisy and that my friends is Sage in a nutshell.

Shall I go on? ‘Of course’ I hear you say for I have opened up your third eye (to coin a phrase) and I hope you will not be leaving me unwanted waste products in the lavatory or anywhere else for that matter! So while I am on the real Sage Macorkadale: he has accused me of being some sort of banqueter…

Otis Van StraponThe fact is he has implied that I would like to eat Ian Hislop. Hislop, the Private Eye man or was that Dick Tracey?… I’m not sure, I’m actually not sure… the little fat chap… Porky the pig. But Sage said that my lips became red and swollen when I talked of his incarceration by the great Otis Van Strapon and the subsequent anticipated spit roasting of the unfortunate Hislop. What Sage doesn’t seem to understand is that the doomed Hislop has probably been eaten already and that, as we speak, another well proportioned celebrity type is being fattened up in the Otis Van Strapon Laboratory in the North Pole. As you well know by now my splendid readers the illuminati , the real world leaders as it were, the floppy penis brigade, yes they are the real banqueters. They are on the move like Aslan, ready for a feast and a thrusting…

Ant and Dec cartoonNow who is this unfortunate celebrity who has taken the place of Hislop? Who is being fattened for the feast I hear you say? Well when I tell you that it is the comedian, actor and Abbey National representative Alan (of the horrible hair) Davies maybe you wont be too surprised. But allow me to explain. Dear Otis Van Strapon has developed a cloning technique so that he can replace any celebrity at will. The method, the artistry that he uses is near to perfection… but I must say that he has had a few teething problems. I mean, look at Ant and Dec… they were supposed to look like Hale and Pace but Otis got in wrong again. But we saw it in our hearts to allow the Geordie jokers into the public domain, even though they both look like victims of Hiroshima especially the one with the bulbous head…

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One Response

  1. Yo thank you for the cool entry.

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