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2. Jeffrey Bernard

Posted on: January 18th, 2008 by Colonel Crabtree-Smythe No Comments

One of my greatest friends was Jeffrey Bernard. Agreat Man and (as I tried to explain to Sage on Screen) thereThe Colonel as Isadora Duncan was a breakdown in our relationship when I betrayed a confidence, but all was well in the end. We were both in love with the wonderful dancer Isadora Duncan and when she passed I used to dress up in her wonderfully transparent garments and dance for him with an erotic verve that would have even given Cliff Richard the horn. Ah… the simple pleasures of ones guilt free youth…

Although I will not admit to any one else, but I will of course share it with you my loyal fan, it is my love of the wonderful Ken Dodd (a great all round entertainer and good egg, unlike the egg Witch herself Delia Smith but that is another story). As for Ken, he once gave me a tickling –stick which I treasure and although I tell very few, I do like to wave it at the odd Doddy concert. I tell you this in the strictest of confidence, Sage mustn’t know, for he dislikes Ken Dodd and took the proverbial ‘Michael’ out of me on air for being a fan of the toothy comedian. This I found to be unfair and cruel, I mean what would a self confessed Garry Mabbutt fan know about comedy. Anyway, he is a cynical man is Sage… hateful and anti-Semitic in its fullest sense… not that Doddy is Jewish you understand… but being anti-Semitic is something he has accused me of in the past. I fear and feel that he was just deflecting his own anti-Jewish bias onto me, the pro Palestine swine that he is. He has also threatened to beat me with a leather whip and you may also remember that he held me up against the wall with his arm at my throat as he twisted my bats wing. I’m an olde man for Gods sake! Sage hides behind this facade of measured respectability…

I also feel Sage had a problem with my friendship with Olde Dirty Bastard. Me with Old Dirty BastardHe was shocked that I should speak to black people as friends and equals… well actually I think he has a problem with the black race as a whole… he says he is a fan of rap but when I questioned him on the subject he proceeded to deluge me with his pro white radical paganistic verbal elitist probing’s, but I never gave him the reaction he was fishing for. I just smiled and we continued with the interview as though nothing had happened…

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