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56. Ken Livingstone and the tin bath

Posted on: September 21st, 2008 by Colonel Crabtree-Smythe No Comments

ken livingstone cartoon

It seems to me that some of my listeners are not convinced of Sages odd behavior and they think im being biased in my attacks. Well, how’s this for size? I have this from Alvin Lindwall himself – he may well be the most boring man in the world but I believe Lindwall when he says that Sage has a tin bath in his spare room. What for? I did ask myself at the time and then the bells started to ring… I thought of Ken Livingstone’s tin bath fetishes. I posed the question in my mind: Could Sage  have got so excited when I told of Ken`s dubious tin bath activities?… Ken shouting filth at disabled immigrants whilst wearing a little black mustache? The question is posed… or is it?  For when I put some recent events together I couldn’t  help but wonder. I mean the visit  to the local joke shop, the little brown envelope that he was so protective about whilst it lay on his desktop? Was that the little black moustache? Me thinks it was. So you see my doubting ones, Sage is a fetisher. Yes indeed. A secret tin bath fetisher just like our Ex-Mayor. You think you know people… and then you find out you don’t.

Heseltine cartoon

Moving on. When I mentioned to Sage that whilst waiting to be presented to the queen… I had occasion to be sitting next to the famous three legged Polish Airman Gregor Granofskey and in an unguarded moment the blighter tried to pull on my soldier! I said to him that he may well be getting an OBE for services to the Empire but that didn’t  give him the right to go for my unprotected undecorated capo regime. The man just smiled in a knowing sort of way,  like a man does with Downs Syndrome and he went for it again!! It was lucky that Heseltine was in the waiting room at the time. Heseltine seems to think that he is now my protector of sorts and he certainly was on this occasion. For as you well know my dear friends; Heseltine is a champion testicle-plucker  and Gregor was lucky that he was reinforced with his British Air Force Long Johns because  the amorous Pole’s trousers were around his ankles ready for the Heseltine forward thrusting plucking action. Long Johns at the ready I say! By this time Granofskey was aware of Heseltine’s  prowess and scooted from the waiting area never to be seen again… he left his OBE behind. It is also said that he is now a plumber in Scunthorpe.  Why I tell this story? Sage thinks that I made the tale up and in some callous way I had frightened Gregor away before he was able to receive his prize and to get his plumbing certificate… yes another immigrant working illegally. But who cares what Sage the Daily Mail reader thinks I say. I am glad that my old soldier is in one piece thanks to my old adversary and sparring partner Michael Heseltine… who as we know has  never been a fan of three legged immigrant workers.

I must also say that I was very pleased that Sage for once agreed with my idea for wheelchair traffic Wardens lead by Steven Hawkins. He’s a wonderful man who is fed up with physics and in dire need of a change of direction. He’s also keen on the idea that Davros of Doctor Who fame should be involved. Yes he is interested in helping out, Davros that is. What a pairing! They would keep the Nigerians off the streets I’m sure… keep them on their toes… very officious they are the Nigerians. They love their little personalized cameras taking pictures of the number plates as their penises twitch with delight, like a child who has just discoverd  Razzles famous custard romp. Yes they love having a little black book like the Nazi in Dads Army. They love it … the power of the aphrodisiac that it is the whip hand…

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