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Knob Brothers Memoirs

Posted on: November 8th, 2009 by Colonel Crabtree-Smythe 3 Comments

Now let me say that life is a game of chance and sages-mumSage does chance his arm somewhat. I mean, it has only just come to light that he had offered his own sperm to the Jackson Clan many years ago. But obviously they refused it, and of course one would when we take into consideration Sage’s appearance and fashion sense… and slight ginger tinge. Yes it was said by the Jackson clan that Michael would do his own penetrative action thank you very much and the last thing they needed was a bow tie wearing Steven Gatley fan (and let me add as a footnote Sage wept for days when he heard of Gatley’s demise… he got through three rolls of kitchen paper repeating over and over again that we had lost such a talent a fireball of genius and that the world would be a lesser place now that the Irishman was no more). Now I don’t wish to be cruel, but come on Sage its not Francis Bacon we’ve lost here or Dr Alimantado the best dressed chicken in town… no we lost a mediocre banal backup singer, bless him and his family but lets move on… people die everyday.

Back to the point… needless to say Sage was sworn to secrecy by the Jackson Clan and told to say nothing of the Van Strapon experiments and as a reward for his tight lips the clan said that Michael Jackson would come on his show ‘Chit a Chat’ and talk about his new dance – ‘The cliffhanger’. But, sad to say the death of Michael put a stop to that.

So how did Sage know about the milking of Mark Lester? Well the fact of the matter was he was the one who filmed the intense affair… he was the seedy back of the room camera man. The truth about it all is that Otis Van Strapon had checked on Sage’s little swimmers at the time and was horrified to say that is just what they weren’t doing – swimming! According to Van Strapon’s findings Sage is a Jaffa, seedless, Sage is barely a man and that brings us to another question… what does that say about the parentage of Sage’s said son Max? Say no more! But all I know is this – Hugh Hucknell was hanging around Sage’s wife around the time of conception. So Sage: don’t rock the boat as it were. Don’t knock the rock for we all know the truth about you and your inadequate seaman samples.

Finishing up now my dear friends, another point to be made regarding Sage’s dysfunctional private life is still indirectly connected to the history of the Knobs and this can account for the strangely almost unholy interest that Sage shows towards the Knob Clan. Yes I have done some digging in recent times – for as you know it has become somewhat of a fashion to dig into family trees. What I found when I took a little look at Sage’s family stump will shock you all… well! it shook me I can tell thee! For it would appear that Cheryl Knob is Sage’s mother… I ran DNA tests… I took blood samples, hair specimens and watched the film footage of Cheryl and Syd Knob at it on YouPorn… another grainy feature no less under the vintage category… Yes it was the days of hairy vaginas and under arms the way it should be.

But yes. Sage was adopted for he was unwanted by Cheryl Knob and at one point nearly aborted. So the little Sage was taken into care by the Mackorkadale family who took pity on the short fetisher. This of course explains the distorted elements within the character of our dear Sage. I mean Andy Knob and Cheryl are deeply related but don’t worry Sage your secret is safe with me… However dear boy, when one considers such beginnings you have done well for yourself. I am sorry Sage but the truth is out there…

Finally onto one thing I would like to finish on: Sage’s lack of sensitivity to all situations. Yes he finds humour in other people’s predicaments and suffering … Throughout the Knob interviews all that could be heard is Sage`s snidely sniggering… And like I say, this is not a surprise to me that Sage is this way… it’s just that I’m the one who is always made to look bad and I for one have had enough of this when it is Sage who is the cruel instigator.

Thank you all, much love and keep believing.

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3 Responses

  1. Well I must say I’m not surprised that Sage offered to assist the Jacksons with their impregnating, but it is a shame they didn’t take him up on his offer. He was probably their only chance of producing normal offspring!

  2. Michel says:

    OK, this is some of the funniest things I have heard in a long time…..thanks

  3. This was funny as hell and a very enjoyable read – peace to the Knob Brothers and their Mother – :)

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