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64. Kylie’s gold hot pants

Posted on: December 8th, 2008 by Colonel Crabtree-Smythe 5 Comments

I know for a fact that Sergio Crease is livid… as is Will Young: the orifice inspector. Will has informed his good friend Bongo from the Congo – his gorilla friend, who is holidaying in Southern Africa with Shaun Pollock as we speak… Yes Will Young has primed Bongo about the Scotch Rodney Stewart predicament. Bongo says that he has the necromous facilitator in his sights and will try to stop any clandestine digging by the Stewart entourage. Young has passed this information on to Sergio Crease but like Luca Brasi he will be hard to call off. For Sergio’s loyalty is second to none… especially where his mother is concerned…so watch out Scotch Rodney!

By the way my friends… have you noticed how much Sir Bob has begun to look like an old goat in his latter years? Just a thought. What a gathering of show business celebrity brain-dead shagnasties. Perhaps they should all stay in the Sudan together and shag each other for evermore… because they ain’t what you might call Rock and Roll these days… I think there is a song in there somewhere… But I`ll be damned if I’m gonna write it! But your Sperms in the gutter and your love is in the sink-Bollocks to you all you bunch of perverted nit wits…

I must add one last postscript in relation to Elton John and the breakdown of his excellent relationship with dear Rod Stewart.  It would appear that on hearing of Rodney’s secret graveyard romps… well!…  It would seem (I have been told this by Nessie Furnish the illegitimate son of David-Elton’s Partner and lover)… it would seem that in a meeting of the Famous Chin Society, Bruce Forsythe said that Penny Lancaster the ‘Dancing Essex’ girl and wife of Scotch Rodney had let slip that she was going to Highgate Cemetery with Roders that very evening… for secret games, fun and frolics. This was enough for Elton John, who was said to have uttered in a heated fuselage of expletives- ‘Fuck that for a game of soldiers I prefer mine alive and kicking and twelve years olde’. So the chord of friendship between Scotch Rodney and darling Elton was broken forever and now it would appear that Penny (who has excessive chin disorder herself) has asked to Join the Society of The  Chins. There is a waiting list but the Chairperson: Jimmy Hill  is optimistic…

And now I would like to say a word on Silas Mackorkadale  (Sage`s younger brother). The point I would like to make and raise is that I really can apologise… contrary to common belief. And that is what I would like to do… and apologise I do; for my unsavoury remarks about the young man`s tight hot pants that were pulled so very tight I could see the anal overlap. I mean, those butt-cheeks on display and all… that extremely camp walk of his. The fact that Silas has gone into hiding is not really my fault. But I feel Fay Featherlite was sent into a homoerotic rage and has not been the same since… this may be the reason for Silas going into his self imposed exile. But once again,  if I’ve caused offence, I’m deeply sorry Silas. Please come out of hiding and I will take you to the next Kyle Minouge concert and you can wear whatever shorts that you want to. I won’t laugh at those batty dimples or Featherlite`s thumb prints… and I promise you I will take you back stage and I will have Kyle Minouge’s gold hot pants removed by Otis Van Strapon’s hot pant remover- yes the famous- ‘I can’t get you out of my head hot pants’ and you can have those as a gift… an apology… Kyle’s sweat covered gold pants- you can do what you want with them … I don’t know perhaps you could give them of wash.

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5 Responses

  1. Jeff Aikman says:

    I adore Kylie! I would LOVE her sweat covered gold pants! But I’d prefer Kylie instead!

  2. interesting write up… i’ve always thought kylie was pretty hot

  3. I won’t laugh at those batty dimples or Featherlite`s thumb prints, Because they ain’t what you might call Rock and Roll these days… I think there is a song in there somewhere.

  4. Muscle Cars says:

    Great post, and yeah man would love to hear about Rods and Eltons graveyard romps. Hah. Guess, we’ll have to wait for the tell all book.

  5. Kehinde says:

    Kyle is a good laugh! Hot and spicy

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