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79. Licking Irish Ass

Posted on: May 14th, 2009 by Colonel Crabtree-Smythe No Comments

I would like to apologise for Sage -on his behalf – for his negative attitude towards the South African Cricket team and in particular Sean Pollock CartoonGraeme Smith, Jacques Kalis and Shaun Pollock – suggesting that homosexuality is a huge factor in their ‘togetherness as a team’, giving them the strength to beat England in England and Australia in Australia. Although Pollock ‘the powerhouse’ is no longer with them. He is a man who has retired because of Sage’s scathing attacks… I mean! Sage does not even like cricket! So why stick his nose where it’s not wanted? Graham Smith has retorted to Sage’s tomfoolery by saying that-“South Africa is a nation of the future and that homosexuals, black or white can play together with heterosexuals, black or white and it is not an issue in my eyes and I doesn’t care what small minded bigots like Sage Mackorkadale says or think”. I commend him for that. He also added that the great all rounder Jacques Kalis would be protected at all costs and…

“The fact is – no one should be allowed to mock Jacques bravery because he plays with such an impediment… poofery is not an issue in South Africa”.

He also added “The fact Jacques showers on his own and changes in his own cubicle like a girlie-well! It’s not an issue… all it means is that he does not have the chance to ogle the boys in the changing room and this makes the whole team comfortable”.

We even had Shaun Pollock on our show protecting Jacques. Sage called Shaun Pollock ‘Shaun Bollock’ and this drove the South African ginger paceman into a rage! Pollock is very serious about the issues at hand and head butted Alvin Lindwall for just being there. Sage really doesn’t know when enough is enough… It really was enough and when I tried to change the subject and tell Sage about the time I drove for Ronnie Kray he snubbed me, dismissed me like I was a turd in a box. I tell you this – Sage will get his one day. One day…

Now I would now like to take this time to congratulate our Olympic team who did us so proud in China. If we had known we were going to do so well we probably would not have tried to sabotage the games the way we did. Sod the boycott. Sod the Tibetan people and the Buddhist monks… We won a load of gold! ‘Rule Britannia’ I say… we shall never ever-ever- ever-be slaves… Stick that in your pipe and smoke it you Kraut bastards.

Also, as we reach the end,  I would like to say that I saw Sage was on the One ShowChristine Bleakley and Adrian Chiles One show licking Irish ass. A pathetic demonstration of how to be a company man, how to sit on television and tow the corporate line. If only they knew what sort of a man Sage is… they wouldn’t have him on there. Middle England love in. Sage is a racist homophobic bigot who thinks that Hitler should be give a posthumous peace prize for only stopping at six million Jews…

I am sorry, but I speak as I find. Hitler was the first German Muslimist… think about that. Would Adrian Chiles… that brummie winger… a real moaning Minnie… I mean… would he let Sage on his show if he knew that? And would Christine Bleakley be smiling then? I fucking doubt it! But I am the pariah, the outcast… I… Me, Colonel Crabtree-Smythe the voice of reason and truth, while the sycophant Sage goes to all the parties in his stupid shorts. I mean, Sage is a bully. He calls Winston his ‘little black friend’ and knows Winston doesn’t like it. He beats and persecutes Faye Featherlite and the poor misguided Alvin Lindwall.

I know Sage manipulates the show so he looks good. He edits stuff out to make me look bad. He is a bad man is Sage… like Steven Gerrard in a club over Christmas. Violence is never far off… it is boiling just a millimetre below the surface-. Lets get to the point, lets not mince about here – when Sage heard about the death of dear poor sweet senile olde Charlton Heston, he sniggered to himself and I plainly heard him say ‘good riddance to bad stock. He couldn’t act anyway, pour petrol upon him, burn the fucker, burn him!’ Then he giggled and slapped his thigh like he was a music hall entertainer. He blew Featherlite a kiss and told Lindwall to stick it. It was an awful display of ego mania and bare faced insanity. I for one am sick of Sage and his disrespect to better men than he.Sage (of course)  protests his innocence at such insensitive goings on while on screen he is a vile protagonist. Claiming to be a fan of the philosophy of Silver Birch. Sage who hates everyone who he deems better than he… now claims to be a spiritualist! He even arrived at the studio in a Ghandi style nappy, a red dot on his head, a halo above his crown and an ethereal glow… and I for one know that that came out of a bottle!

He is a wounded animal is Sage: lost and confused. Confusion is the operative word, for in his satchel he had a Bible, a copy of the Koran, a copy of the Philosophy of Silver Birch and a book called ‘The Deed Of Christ’ by Rudolf Steiner. What a pretentious ass is all I can say! I’m sure he woke up that morning thinking that he was a sort of David Koresh type – quoting platitudes to anyone who would listen… It lasted two days and then the excitement wore off. Just like Sage – no staying power.

Like I say, he’s a shallow thruster…

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