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28. Lorraine Kelly

Posted on: April 20th, 2008 by Colonel Crabtree-Smythe No Comments

Lorraine Kelly cartoonI have another point to be made regarding the wonderful Lorraine Kelly. He (Sage that is) called her a Scottish farce. Not fair in my book and of course there is the Sunday Sport report of me and a photograph in a so called compromising position. It’s slander I say for I was only doing Gods work. But I must add (and Sage won’t say or admit to it) he writes for the Sport under the name of Sledge Mason. And Sledge won’t give me any credit for my bravery in relation to my gaining access to the Jackson Ranch…

Sledge Mason eh? A cad and a bounder… For it was he who lied about Simon Hughes… He said Hughes was a mans mans. Hughes is a charlatan, a pretender of sorts. Yes a pretender to the throne of the great Peter Tatchel… A brave and up front politician. An expert on Russian Banditry. But my respect for him really grew when I saw him wrestling with Robert Mugabe in the green room. But I was very impressed when I saw Tatchel trying to insert his lipstick into the bottom of the evil dictator as they rolled around. I think Tatchel was trying to show the Zimbabwe leader his liberal endings… Sledge Mason eh?

Now, Winston made me bad tea today and it pissed me off… After all I’ve done for him. I’m a diabetic for Christ’s sake and he filled my tea with sugar. He is trying to kill me I’m sure…

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