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124. Erotic Pulsations

Posted on: December 4th, 2010 by Colonel Crabtree-Smythe 1 Comment

Hello LadiesDuncan Bannatyne Cartoon and gentlemen back again eh? Well lets get straight to it, for seems to me a sad state of affairs when a great man such as Sir David Frost is pilloried in such a way by such a man called Sage Macorkadale. It seems that when he Sage that is talks of Frost the great chat show pioneer, he does it with an almost fetish guile. What does that mean you may well ask? Well my little puppies it is all in the eyes, let me explain. I feel I have to say that Sir David does have an animalistic impediment and is in touch with his inner beast ,but that does not mean that Sage has to let the whole world and his Mrs in on Frosts blood lust fetishes. The fact that he has been seen foraging at evening tide for used tampons is something that should not be put out in the public domain, and the vile nick-name Frostferatu that Sage seems to take pleasure in repeating over and over again endlessly. The point about all this is that none of this is David Frosts fault because it all came about when a botched blood transfusion went disastrously wrong.

First things first, Frosts fatal mistake was to get involved with Otis Van Strapon the garrulous inventor, and when I say garrulous I mean just that, because on the occasion of the transfusion Vanstrapon who was proud of his ambidexterity was talking on the telephone to myself and while sidetracked by our discussion on the sexual positions of the Victorians he Otis that is injected (by mistake I might add) Frost with the blood of his favorite vampire bat . Now it was supposed to be an elixir, the Cliff Richard serum made up of McCauley Culkin’s sperm and Scots porridge Oats.

The fact was Sir David was expecting a deep massage of the said substance into his own soft tissue and was rather more than surprised when the blood of the Vampire was injected into his exposed bottom end leaving the now beleaguered Frost with a deep longing blood fetish leading him to his hideous tampon fetish All I have to say is you leave him alone Sage let him grow old gracefully say or at least pose the question, what’s a used tampon between friends?

I have over the years noticed that it seems to be a bit of a habit of Sage to pillory great men. I mean to say that the great Louis Spence was “no more than Faye Featherlite Mark II” is indecent, because the inference is a double slur. One on our Faye and another toward the great dancing queen that is Spence. The illation being that because they have certain feminine aspects on show when they commune with the public at large, yes! Sage is making out that dropping one shoulder and saying “whoops!” is a crime!

Is it a crime to take the first bite of the apple? Adam had a choice in the garden of Eden and he chose Steve, maybe it was only on weekends, but hey! We were not all meant to be the same. Grow up Sage, because we all know about your secret liaisons on Hampstead Heath. I have seen those new fur lined shorts with “love from Kevin” on the tag. What was that line now? Oh yes! I remember, “to keep you warm on winters nights love Kevin,” I do hope Mr. Spacey is happy with his fur-lined winter gloves that you gave to him, what was it you put on the label? Oh yes! I remember-“I do hope you’ll take them off for me KS, meet me at the Old Vic it will be our own LA Confidential, love Sage.”
Now moving on from Sage’s vile clandestine late night tamperings I would like to say something with regard to the alleged rape of the fine Dragon Duncan Bannatyne by Ronnie Kray. Ron says he was never there, he says it was Ray Winston in disguise who violated the ‘Dragon’s Den’.
Ron said that he “would have been gentle with the beleaguered Scotsman,” he says that “Ray has never been right since the horrid rape scene in scum,” and as for Bannatyne he would like a return visit, for he has never in his life enjoyed himself so much, and he has been heard to say that when it does happen again he must be allowed to use his favorite flavored ice cream to cool his anticipated sore part, the rest I fear I can leave to the imagination. Ray Winston himself has denied Ron Kray’s allegations, he says that he thought he was going to a “tupperware party and that he hated ice cream anyway.” Who do you believe my friends a cornflake sales person? Or a Gangster who runs around in womens clothings? And on that sour note I say goodbye farewell And good tidings to you all.

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