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53. Mrs. Webb’s gash

Posted on: September 1st, 2008 by Colonel Crabtree-Smythe 8 Comments

cliff richard cartoonI must say something with regard Sage’s attitude and behavior towards Mrs.Webb (Cliff Richards mother). The fact is dear sweet Mrs. Webb was Berserking with me on a London bus and somehow she managed to offended an elderly Muslim gentleman who saw her gash. He was seen to run away and was heard to be muttering something about the gash and how un-Islamic such a sight was. He said that the gash should have been wearing a Hijab and he probably had a point.

I assume the Muslim went to get some stones to teach Mrs. Webb a Shriah law lesson. It would appear that that very same gentleman had appeared at Cliff Richard’s home in Surrey asking for the infidel that was Mrs.Webb. When he saw the bag of stones, Cliff gave him short sharp shrift or a short sharp shock . He said ‘get out of here with those bags of stones’ and then Cliff threw himself on a cross a cried: ‘forgive them Father for they do not know what they do’. Then he got an erection, farted and ejaculated onto his congregation… which upset a lot of people.

hank marvin cartoonIt is also said that Cliff had the Muslim gentleman taken downstairs into the basement by his bodyguards. Then having him tied up, had him tattooed by Hank Marvin – Cliff’s standover man – a tatoo of Jesus Christ our savior onto his left buttock. The elderly Muslim was outraged and cried Jihad. He also said that he would be informing Cat Stevens about this attack on their religion. He is now planning a sweet revenge… the needle is out as it were. All this because Sage gave the elderly Muslim Cliff’s address. I know I won’t be telling Sage anything in confidence again…and I`ve taken Cliff Richard off my Christmas card list and that is final.

How dare he do that to his wonderful mother? And how dare he do that to a Muslim? Islam the peaceful and forgiving religion that it is – with its scientific love of spontaneous combustion. Yes we must all cow down to them for they are so right and we are so wrong. They have all the answers and we have none. We don’t have philosophy, music, poetry and film or great minds. And psychology, we don’t have albums by the great Cat Stevens anymore to tell us how to live our lives. No we must all look to them for they are so high and we are so low, they are the head and we are the toe, Oh Islam, Oh Islam -It is so wonderful – they can show us everything. Yes, yes… we know nothing of their ways of peace and love and harmony and respect. No, no, no only in Islam is the truth found. And I’m a liar, I’m joking of course. What about?… you may never know…

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8 Responses

  1. bill Webster says:

    Ive seen May on the run!!!!

  2. Cliff Richards is like 100 years old!
    How can his mom still be alive?!

  3. Haha – this is pretty funny, sounds like something that would happen in a Cliff movie of old times…

  4. RONNIE KRAY says:

    Cliff was one of my prospects once…Bastard turned me down…So i cut him…

  5. Cliff is old but is a legend! He still cranks on working on projects – what a great role model to all of us. By the way, he’s 70 this year.

  6. Laughing is a good way to start the day, so I must thank you for that :D

  7. Master9888 says:

    There is nothing funny about ones beliefs. Try to understand about Islam and see The Best Of Islam first before making comments.

  8. I have many friends they are moslim. The moslim are not bad people, if they are true moslims. In every religion it gives black sheeps.

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