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174. Glad I’m Not You Day

Posted on: September 1st, 2014 by Colonel Crabtree-Smythe No Comments

Hello Ladies and Gentlemen. As summer draws to a close and Autumn is waiting in the wings preparing for its moment in the sun I find myself at odds with life, death, and all things in between, but then again why change the habit of a lifetime it always bothered me.

I’m Pinkie Brown cartoontired ladies and gentlemen, tired of the negligible, the constant maintenance that we all have to adhere to before we can leave the house on any given day. I’m tired of dunking my dentures, wiping my arse, creaming my bats wing, trimming my nasal hair, clipping my toe nails, emptying my balls, boiling my morning egg, having to endure the morning news that brings no joy, yes I’m exhausted by the constant cretinism we must all contend with daily from the moment we all wake up log in or on. How many more times must I take to the bathroom to relieve myself of yesterdays waste? How many more spots needs popping? How many more times do I have to shove my hemorrhoids back up my arse like an olde Marigold glove, rather than to sit on them pretending they are not there like everything else is this fucking existence. Why? Would be my question. Why the piles? Why the misey and thats before we even get to the drones, the wars, the floods, the climate change, the mad scientists and their corporate friends who want to wipe us all out and to keep the spoils for themselves, and yes finally having to put up with the opinions of dullards. Oh its enough to make a grown man stick his head on a spike and drive it downwards.

I say we are nothing but fleshy shit and piss monsters and who could argue, and yet we have such high opinions of ourselves, I mean really? However, as sick as I am of myself I am so glad I am I and am no one else, for that would be hell incarnate.

Now talking to Sage in this regard he completely lost the plot and blamed the Jews for all the worlds ills which I found to be a little strong, especially considering we were not even discussing world politics at the time and that Sage often tells me to give the Zionists a break, but it seems they have pushed our Sage too far and he is now taking a stand, he said he wants to go under the knife and have his foreskin replaced. What that will achieve? I have no idea, but Sage seems adamant. He says he has Bupas phone number and he will be making a booking at Harley Street come morning.

I tried to calm him told him that it was unnecessary and that it would change nothing but he was having none of it. I find it sad to see such anger prompted by the idea that it is a particular group that causes problems to world. I think the human race is fucked, and its groups that fuck us for they fight, kill and die for what ever opinion they bring to the table, and that’s not to say there are not good people on the planet its just that most of them are tired of it all, why do you think Hunter S Thompson blew his bally brains out? No I’m not calling for peace, why? Well because we I need a fight. Those who need god peach god.

All I can say is have no identity be neutral, and not as an act.Let is wash over you, its a sour game anyhow and id rather be gone fishing. As our true nature is to just be, but we live in a reality a society that wont allow it. It wants action, blind idiotic head down action its want you to pick a side to give your self away to the illusion to perpetuate its bullshit.

I say slow down the road works, have a day off, please somebody STOP.Stop planning for tomorrow and live today. All I hear is talk of progress and materialistic growth who is up and who is down, and I greet it all with a gigantic fucking yawn.

The world is a dark place run by eugenic fuck heads but then again it always has been. I mean Genghis Kahn was no shrinking violet he was no swampy.He knew what he wanted and he went out and took it, but he did not pretend otherwise and I respect that, unlike the all smiling twobobburks that run our world today.They smile to you face and then kill you when your back turned the olde napalm trick. Take the BBC as an example, Britains flag ship propaganda channel turned out to be a pedophile ring all smiles eh but once the lights go down its all fiddle me this fiddle me that. Take our Royal family as another example our Queen knights pedophiles they kneel before her, and she even has them painting her portrait. It’s all too much for a an old white man to take. Im used to a fair game of cricket with a little bit of cheating of course, the old tampering with the score card at lunch with a rubber just to make sure that the natives don’t pull away too far.i mean we cant have the mother county becoming completely embarrassed.

I mean to say people say I am a rotter, a cad, and a bounder but I don’t have such a questionable back catalogue. My Internet search history is nothing to be ashamed of, a few cranky old milfs fisting themselves but that’s your lot. As sick as I am I would never work for the BBC. Anyhow they have turned me down too many times and I blame the Attenborough’s but anyways I feel in fact I dodged that bullet. Guilt by association and all that. Well I’m glad I have got that off my chest.

Now moving on, last but not least, let me tell you of an encounter I had with the late great Dicky Attenborough after the war on the film set of Brighton Rock where he was playing the role of Pinkie Brown. Now Dicky insisted on me calling him Dicky which I was not too sure of at first.I think he looked up to me as I was a war hero and all and I felt he was very impressed by my medals especially my Victoria Cross which I won for undercover work where I won an Iron Cross from The Nazis as they believed me to be one of them. I was one of the best undercover agents that worked in the field as I was prepared to do anything and if that meant giving the Fuhrer a prostate examination then so be it, but back to Dicky.He became obsessed by my medals and I think not a little intimidated to be in the presence of a man who could snap his neck at five paces and give him a prostate cancer all clear in the same breathe. I wanted to call him Rick but he convinced me to call him by his preferred moniker and I did so but not after we had a grappling match on Brighton Beach to see who the real man was. I won, he verbally submitted when I gave him my famed ball grab crush technique. To be honest I felt that he gave in too easily and I found him to be a little bit sissy for my tastes but he accepted the grappling match and that in itself is enough to give a chap respect for, so Dicky it was.Plus I gave him the all clear, I was in and out before he could say Peaky Blinder.

The point is I asked if I could have a role in the film Brighton Rock a little cameo of sorts and Dickie was having none of it I think I’d upset him by holding onto his testicle a little too long after the verbal tap.

The director at the time John Boulting had no problem with me doing a turn in the bar. I was to play a mysterious type who had just come back from India with spices for sale.I was to have my pocket picked by a young hoodlum. I was to give chase stumble and fall and then take a beating from the gang member. It would have been a winner but Dicky became very aggressive and told Boulting that if I was given the scene that he would walk.I wanted to cause no problems and backed off thinking to myself, “the film would be rubbish now that they had cut me from the script and Dicky Wicky could stick it!”

That’s when Nigel Stock jumped on my back and tried to rip my ear off with his teeth. Things were getting a little bit hairy especially when Virginia Winter lifted her skirt for all the pub to see.My word I though things are getting a bit x rated. So I flipped Nigel Stock off my back. He flew into the unlit fireplace. I gave Virginia a quick prostate examination.Nothing. She was all clear. I called Dicky Richard and left the set my ear bleeding and ego bruised.

Bloody movie people up them selves I say. After all they are only pretending to be what I am for real.

I met him Richard Attenborough years later in 1971 on the set of Rillington Place and this time I had a part I was playing the wallpaper fixer, I just kept my nose down and carried on as if what had happened in 1947 hadn’t happened. I wish id said something now as the news of Dicky’s passing has brought up a lot of un-dealt with issues and like I said I feel it was he and his brother who put the stamp down on me ever working for the BBC and i never got my answer as to why. Petty I think..I for one will never suffer fools again.

Well that’s your lot, I wish you all well. Stay happy and don’t upset the actor he has more power than you think.

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