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13. Pensioners

Posted on: January 20th, 2008 by Colonel Crabtree-Smythe No Comments

Gandhi But what is my main gripe? My main gripe today is how badly pensioners are treated. Patronised and forgotten by the country that we fought for, to keep it and its young people or peeps free. And what do the youth do to keep themselves entertained? They stab each other over turf wars. They call it slipping which means they have dangerously slipped off their turf and onto another gangs turf. Something to do with post codes, but slipping off your postcode onto a rivals is punishable by death as it were… by cold steel-Stanley blade or a shanks as it is called in the Cockney Jamaican patois that the children speak.

I have plans to put on a Shakespeare production using this London Patois all to show how poetic it sounds when used as an art form and not to ask for someone’s wallet in dark places Aanyway, I fought in the last great war so that this didn’t have to happen, so that our young soldiers wouldn’t have to go abroad and kill other young people… and as for lunatics in Congress or Parliament how do they thank us? Yes… by allowing our young folk to kill each other and mug and shank old age pensioners, so that we live in fear of the future we fought to procure and protect. And to be honest it feels like someone is pulling my pisser. I’m angry because; we; the old and fragile, we; who won wars for your freedom to burn skunk in alley ways, we; who wiped the shit from your arses, we; who spat on your faces to remove dirt from your brow, we; who made many sacrifices… I’m not just talking about only white children. If you’re black, think of the sacrifices your parents made… Riots, racism, being treated like third class citizens and, in some cases, treated less than a dog…. all this to make your lives easier and you break our hearts, you stick two fingers up at us.

Show us some respect. Show us some love for crying out loud. Show yourself some respect and some love. That way you may be able to forge out some semblance of a life you ungrateful sods. But it’s time to get off my high horse and get onto my soap box now the Union Flag is dead.

I would now like to put the record straight with regard Sage’s attitude to the great Mahatma. He in fact implies that I was cruel to the peacemaker… but I must say, not a bit of it. It was he (the Mahatma) that was provocative. For instance; he spat on the Union Jack Flag which to be honest upset me very much to see. The pacifists green phlegm roll down our national symbol. It being a gross insult to our King and Country. And if I had at that point given him the flogging that he deserved it would have killed the blighter. So you see I saved the little Man from Mountbatton’s wrath (The Viceroy being a stickler for punishment). The wicked Earl wanted to clamp the Mahatma’s nipples and make him wear the British Flag as a nappy. All this whilst riding an Elephant through conquered Territories. I stopped this from happening. Andy Peters

A nother point to emphasise; Do you remember Sage going on about my use of words?My terminology? I refute all these nasty attacks by the crank that is Sage. Indeed I refute all reference to my way of self expression. A gook is a gook in my book when standing over you fully aroused, greased and with shot gun in hand. I now wish to attack, YES! attack the modern wordings. I mean, to call the children ‘kids’? How infuriating is that? Our children small Goats? If I could find or make manifest in physical form the wanker who set that boat adrift I would strangle the creature with its own Bats wing… but I can’t ever see any singular person owning up to these distortions. So I will settle for Richard and Judy, the patronising fetishers that they are. And I must add that I detest them. I hate them with a passion and a vengeance like I was a member of Mossad who hates the mighty Hezbollah, the so called Lebanese terror group. I hate Richard and Judy as much as both of those two terrorist organisations hate each other -yes that much… And I wish to seek them out and hang them both… for they both are users of the new wording ‘kids’.
They love their kids, I don’t love their bloody kids. The true fact is I’ve never met one of them… and if I were to meet one of the offspring who are now involved with the peasants playground – that being the Big Brother show- Point being-If they the children of Richard and Judy grow up remotely like their parents, I would rack them and then hang them like the heretics that they are… and unleash Andy Peters my gimp upon them!

So as my good friend Spike Milligan once said to me “where do all the children go?” Well yes, where have all the children gone? Long time passing… or was it flowers? Can’t say I care too much.
As you know, I did make reference to Private Marshal Phillips. I must admit to being a little harsh with my allusions towards the private with regard to his bestial activities with the Viceroy’s Cocker Spaniel. I should have kept it to myself. For his wife and mother Millie Fanshaw Phillips has lodged a complaint to the powers that be. She said it was I who strayed into gross animal fornication. I shall be seeing my lawyer immediately with regard to these alleged swipes at my character. And I shall be mentioning this to Judge Judy at our next meeting… and anyway point is-What sort of man marries his mother? Yes, exactly… a pervert. Since the show I received a letter of complaint from the Mary Whitehouse household. They’re not happy with how I have portrayed dear Mary. I found the letter to be retarded and something I couldn’t possibly take seriously. I am not a corrupter of born again Christians… just ask Cliff Richard and his wonderful mother Mrs Webb. The fact of the matter is, I didn’t pay her for sex…Mary that is. I paid her gas bill for her and you can’t ask for more than that and I can’t help the fact that she wanted more. Oh! Jesus did she want more! I mean, truth be told, I think the show was a write off in the long run. Sage was due to be singing a Gordon Lightfoot song. We had rehearsed the song numerous times and Sage the coward backed out live on screen at the last minute and made me look like a fool. He also questioned my integrity and aptitude with regard to my guitar talent. He suggested that I was average in my strumming technique and he compared my face to that of the ageing rocker Mick Jagger. Sage also has a problem with the lesbian tennis community which I find to be a terrible stance… For, as dear Lenny Bruce once said “I never met a dyke that I didn’t like”.

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