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49. The Order of the Plastic Asshole

Posted on: July 13th, 2008 by Colonel Crabtree-Smythe 1 Comment

Swiss Navy cartoonI want to make a point about Sage’s lack of Geographical knowledge when he referred to Germany as being landlocked. Is the man a cretin or is he just a great pretender, a crank, a hustler, a whistle blower, a tree climber, a book reader? I mean, does Sage live in the real world? Has he not heard of the great German Subs? Has he never been to a Jurgen Klansman lecture? I didn’t pick up on it on the day for I didn’t want to embarrass him live on screen. Germany landlocked indeed… I mean he told me he had read the autobiography of Boris Von Shrimpton, the Sub Captain, and that there was no mention of me in it… or mention of my undercover work dressed as a Swiss sailor from the Swiss Navy, but that my French companion Renee was mentioned. In true fact, three chapters were committed and devoted to dear sweet soggy Rene.

I also told of my plan to send the Jews to Madagascar in the war years. This would have saved millions of lives and many German families but the world wasn’t listening… well, Hitler certainly didn’t listen. I think it had to do with me ripping off his moustache in a moment of surreal madness. I think he lost respect for me after that and he drew up the final solution plans without my advice… a monestrous blight on the World at large… but we never learn do we?

I believe the whole thing would have worked. Bob Geldof would have helped with the Rapide coach parties and he would have kept an eye on the turnstiles. David Baddiel would have been the master of ceremonies… I think it would have worked a treat but Sage scoffed and said that Jews did not deserve compensation of that sort and that Baddiel wasn’t funny anyway and was an over-rated comedian and that Frank Skinner and Rob Newman had always carried him. Typical Jew, always riding on the backs of others through the fear of being left behind… Sage’s words not mine. But I say, never again shall the Jews be shunned by society. Never again will they be rounded up and sent to the gas chamber….and David Baddiel is a wonderful man…

Now a lot happened in this series of interviews, the loss of Winston’s leg at the hand of Sergio Crease’s cowardly assault. I also told of the Order of the Plastic Asshole – the order of corporate pandering and selling ones soul to a system that wishes to control us. I have a long list of the members of the O.P.A (order-plastic-asshole) a dark deviant crooked society of ass lickers and abusers – the true infidels and terrorists of our planet and I’ve sent this list to Bin Laden. He said he will take action upon these true sinners against humanity and liberty.

HERE IS THE ‘Order of the Plastic Asshole’ FIRST LIST:

Dame Judy Drench, Gordon Ramsay, Garry Lineker, Hermione Norris, Harrison Ford, Kyle Minouges, Jody Foster, Richard Gear, Nicholas Cage, Robert Del Niro, Martin Scorsese, Olive Stone, Arnold Swarzenegger, Beyonce Knowles, Trevor Nelson, Suggs, Spike (I’m a bit of a twat) Lee, Samuel L Jackson, David Bowie, Michael (the twitch) J Fox, Puff-Daddy, Fifty cent, Black (where is the love) Eyed Peas, Kiefer (I do this for my country) Sutherland, Donald Sutherland, Madonna, Brad Pitt, Bruce Willis, Sly Stallone, Euan MacGregor, Ray Winston, Vinni Jones, David Beckman, Sean Pertwee, Ben Elton, Ian Wright, Robbie (I’m not gay) Williams, Simon (I’m not fat) Cowbell and finally Zimmerman.

Now this list has been sent to all of my special secret services and the cull will begin…

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One Response

  1. Bill Brown says:

    lmao don you just like clarkson! he’s such a hoot!

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