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33. The Potato Incident

Posted on: May 9th, 2008 by Colonel Crabtree-Smythe 2 Comments

The hot potato incidentNow another strong point to be made regarding certain gross aspects of Sage’s nature. You may think that gross is a strong word and an unfair description of the man that is Sage Macorkadale, but the truth is I am highly suspicious of his preoccupation with Abu Hamza`s sandals. He kept going on about them. He tried to make me question the good nature of Abu. But the point is, Sage always makes you take your shoes off at the door… Not a bad thing in itself but it takes me back to a time when I saw Macorkadale sniffing Winston’s shoe. He said that he could smell dog poo… I said nothing. I didn’t think any more about it at the time, but now it is all so very clear and makes perfect sense. The man Sage is a foot fetisher, a sniffing dog of a man. Sage has a foot fetish and I think he gets off smelling Islamic sandals. Also, I must add this because it confused me no end… When Sage accused Abu Hamza of stealing my Birkinstock sandal, then of returning it just to win favor with me to get close to my inner sanctum or was is my rectum? But I must say this has not gone down well with Cat Stevens because Abu is like an Islamic son to Cat and he doesn’t like the accusation made by Sage… Inferring that Muslims steal or tell lies… For that is the realm of the infidel and is a stoning offence. Sage never seems to learn. He will one day… I’m sure when he gets a Fatwa on his mis-guided head… Then I think that he will take down those cartoons of the great and wonderful Prophet Mohamed… it’s not on that form of blasphemy…

alex ferguson cartoonI also feel Sage was out of order when he suggested that Sir Alec Ferguson had a maggot living in his nose.
That poor red faced Scotsman wont be amused. I’m sure he’s a Knight Of The Realm you know. Sage implied that the said maggot fell to the floor when Alec was being knighted. It crawled up the dress of Camilla Parker Bowels and impregnated the future wife of the next King of England. The said off-spring of Camilla and Sir Alec`s maggot is now living in disgrace in the Tower Of London and that the Maggot is called Ferris! I believe this to be a lie. But then again, I have heard that J.K.Rowling’s new childrens book is to be called ‘Ferris in the Tower’. It should be called maggot up the leg. I’m just being whimsical my dears…

And now I feel that I must say a little more about the time when I was arrested for losing my temper in a public place. I explained all this to Sage… That now I know how black men feel most of their lives or Muslims or Jews… A repressive state of being like in Germany in the 30s or 40s of the last century. Yes, that under suspicion feeling… Yes, bullied by the police. And the thought of having absolutely no come back… It scars the soul my friends… It really does. I called it Colonel and potato incident‘The Potato Incident’ for I was sheriffed away for eating a potato in a public place and reacting in a so called aggressive manner when told to move along. This apparently was ‘not on’ according to an officious little Indian chap with a peeked cap. And when I told the jobs-worth Asian how I felt, a police person acting like Judge Dread came flying round the corner like a New Zealand rugby full-back with an erection and I was an open vagina! ‘It’s a police state’ I said as I was pinned against a window and cuffed… My potato went a flying into the air and landed on Abduls slippers. ‘It’s like ‘V for Vendetta’’ I said. Sage accused me of intellectual pessimism but I’m having none of it… Would he call Alan Moore or George Orwell an intellectual pessimist? Would he call the wonderful Andy Peters an intellectual pessimist?… Probably knowing Sage…

I also told Sage about the wonderful Joss Stone and how I was trapped in a lift with the dear girl. I told him how she sung to me and she said that I reminded her of her Grand Father. It was a grand experience in itself… But here is the rub… Sage said that he hates the little runt, he despises little Joss in her sweet bare feet. He implied in no uncertain terms that she was a man hater and he said that she should be horse whipped and sent to Stalingrad with Griff Rhys-Jones… He’s a caustic acerbic man is Sage.

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2 Responses

  1. The worst thing totalitarian states do is making people hypocrtical. This is when you don’t care of expressing your own ideas or emotions, as you are used to telling lies – showing your consent with the regime when you hate it.

  2. I agree with Betsy. The worst type of person is someone who is hypocritical. Not only do they not know they are, but even when someone tells them they can’t see. I actually feel sorry for those type of people in the long run because they will lose a lot of potential friends.

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