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62. Real dirty dancing

Posted on: November 22nd, 2008 by Colonel Crabtree-Smythe No Comments

cat stevens cartoonIt’s a no holds barred situation at the moment… gloves are off. Sage, if you ever read this -  it’s bollocks to you and yours. And I will add this: the idea you had for the Scottish Folk – to send them all to Slough and then to create a Muslim state in the Capital of that great land, well, I can tell you this – Sean Connors is not happy. He said that with a name like Mackorkadale you should keep those appalling racist comments to yourself and that it is you that should move to Slough and see how you like it! Then again I did explain to Connors that you’re not really a Mackorkadale and that you are a Jew – Sage Serganovic. We all know Sage and you cover it up – you a self loathing jew.

But anyway, now for something very personal and of course completely different. I feel that I must say this because of Sage’s attitude towards myself and my friends… Abdul my little Muslim brother being one of them. And so I would now like to take this opportunity to emphasise  that certain inferences made by Sage in relation to the failed attempts to blow up Piccadilly. The fact of the matter was Sage said that  it was probably Abdul (my friend houseboy and confidant) that was the leader of that particular Islamic Cell. Yes, Sage accuses my reformed Islamic brother! Abdul has just received a publishing deal so he can write a book on the naughty side of Islam and how he was seduced by it… and then how he saw the light. Usual story. Sage has accused Abdul in a racist stereotypical manner of trying to blow up London like he was Irish… like he was a bloody Irishman! As if being a Muslim isn’t bad enough with all those rules and regulations, now you accuse him of being drunk at the bar with a pack of  semtex? It’s not on Sage, you made everybody in the studio nervous with those unfettered remarks. To check his lunch box as well… I tell you this Sage; Cat Stevens is not a happy man and he can be very dangerous when roused. The fact is,  Cat has threatened to Moon Shadow you. And if you are not a shaking in your shoes by now (like a smack head going cold) you should be. For if I tell you that your naked posterior would be exposed on YouTube whilst any passing sympathetic personage could pick up a stone and throw it at your pitted posterior until they draw blood. Well, ain’t you a shaking in you shoes Sage? So I say be careful for now for Cat Stevens has asked his good friend Richard Littlejohn to contact you and demand a printed apology on page three of the Daily Mail… and if Littlejohn has not contacted you by now you should of course contact the Mail yourself… for being ‘Moon Shadowed’ on You-Tube – live from Finsbury Park, is not pleasant I assure you. It is not a laughing matter- it would put even Rick Waller off his picnic lunch in the park…

Now there is another little something that I wish to share with you my dear audience. It is regarding that well known circumference belt buster and ex-fat club member Rick Waller. Well the truth is hard to believe-but what I am saying is that the truth is much stranger than the fiction. This truth is quite unpalatable to most, but not to Sage. For in a perverse way he was excited by the whole disgusting affair… I saw a bulge in his shorts and to be more descriptive I feel I saw an almost imperceptible soft movement… Yes I am talking about ablutive dance. A craze that almost caught on at the time but faded almost without a trace. The point about it is: Patrick (the dirty dancer) Swayze had voiced an interest in the said dance and if you remember when Rick was very young he danced everywhere. The fact is he couldn’t stop dancing- even in the lavatory. He never could stop. Henceforth the ablutive dance was born- excrement all over the place as Ricks rhythms made manifest all over the walls and ceilings. It was like a Frankie goes to Hollywood after a dinner party.

patrick-swayze-dirty-dancing-cartoonYou might well say -’what the hell has the dirty dancer Pat Swayze to do with Rick’s particular form of dirty dance?’ Well- my dears I will tell thee… It excites him in the same way that it excites Sage -There have been excrement fetishers throughout the ages is an understatement.   For one of the most infamous of these ablutive dancers was Himmler who was responsible for the Nazi High Commands cake throwing parties… An early sloshing food fetish. Now I’m  sure you’ve guessed that it was a foul display of high flying excrement that took place in Hitler’s castle keep, well yes. It all started innocently enough when the High Command used to throw cakes at one another after being inspired by Charlie Chaplin Films. But trust Himmler to introduce his dirty fetishing to the harmless proceedings… then (as usual) Adolf Hitler took things a step further. He took things too far by having the wonderful Eva Braun pass her digested German sausage onto his chest.

So its not a new phenomenon- nor is the persecution of Jewish persons a new phenomenon- but it still goes on-hard to understand as it is…

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