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18. Richard and Judy

Posted on: January 20th, 2008 by Colonel Crabtree-Smythe 4 Comments

Again I must mention Sage’s undeniable fixed notions with regards my views on Richard and Judy. Sage feels that I have been unfair to the popular pairing. I refute that with a vengeance. Even as I speak his children have come out in my defence. For they have called their Father a geek and a fervent Bobby Davro Fan to boot. But enough said about the tall fetisher for even I was amazed and surprised at the flagrant slating of Judy Finnigan the Mother of the irate children by the children themselves . They in fact said that they would like her to diet. For her gross mood swings were due to her overlapping flesh and sickly sweet seeping anal gasses. The fact is and I can only surmise this. It would appear that Richard, being the dominant partner that he is, has banished Judy to the spare room. Their own ‘Green Room’ as it were. And it seems that Richard has fitted a bell in the said room. It would appear that Judy rings the said bell when her needs overpower her. At this given point Richard rushes in dressed up as Lilly Allen with a vibrating anal plug up his bottom and he then pretends to be interviewed by Judy while she fondles his latent soft tissue… his flaccid flipper as he calls it. Whatever turns you on eh Rich? Truthfully, I never have liked the pairing but I give them ten out of ten for invention.

Sanchez TwinsAt this point I would like to send my regards to news reader Ian Thespian who has had a nervous breakdown. I wish him a speedy recovery… And I wish to thank Shilpa Shetty for all the support and kindness she has shown Ian over his troubled time. One final thing I have noticed (and its something I would like to share since the football season has just started); I’ve noticed that dear Laurie Sanchez of Wimbledon cup final fame… who is now the manager of my second team… My first being the famous Gunners. My second team being the wonderful Fulham football club.

I‘ve noticed that he is looking more and more like Ronnie Kray everyday when he is on the touch line giving orders to his players. Maybe that’s his tactic; Look like Ronnie Kray with his over coat his thick black rimmed glasses. All this to scare the hell out of his team. You tell them to win the match or report to his office for, as he calls it, a “punishment buggery” or a good olde fashioned cockney stabbing. I don’t know this… it’s a thought though… I think it’s a very good idea. But not working at the moment for Fulham… keep letting in silly goals. Maybe goal keeper Tony Warner likes his ‘punishment buggery’. Which is why he keeps letting the ball into the back of the net for no apparent reason. Which, in fact, is what Yens Lehman of Arsenal fame keeps doing… boom boom. Maybe a little ‘punishment buggery’ wouldn’t go amiss for the loose limbed German.

Anne WiddecombeAnd finally, I have reason to be concerned about the wonderful MP for Maidstone and the Weald dear Anne Widdecombe. My old friend. But I’m worried about her, it seems she has taken to the streets and become a prostitute. But due to her grouchy demeanour and high pitched voice and smelly armpits. Not a body will take her up on the offer of business around the back of the local fish and chip shop. Which has given her cause to sign on at the job centre as Suzi Suckimov a Russian asylum seeker with smelly armpits. Dear sweet Anne a benefit fraud as well. She must have started to smoke crystal -meth or something for her to sink so low. Selling herself to old men in Maidstone for a fish supper. A come down and a worry for the back bencher. I have just heard that Ann is pregnant by Paddy from Brighton who is 108 TODAY! Well done Paddy and Congratulations Anne…

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4 Responses

  1. Well, Laurie Sanchez did last long at Fulham did he? Seems that Roy Hodgson has been a better successor to the suave and celtic Coleman.

  2. Fulham are on the way up and those Gunners are on the way down so you better reverse your team selection

  3. Ecorgorry says:

    Our neighbors throing everything out of the fridge! They ve bought pork recently and the proprietor said that it was from mexico! Should we not have a bite pork now?

  4. RONNIE KRAY says:

    Dont mess about !!!

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