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37. Invaded By Shadows

Posted on: May 12th, 2008 by Colonel Crabtree-Smythe 1 Comment

Paul McKenna CartoonNow enough of this nonsense, I will have my day with regards to the nasty Roger Agogo and the demon we call Macorkadale. Back to more interesting stuff (and some might say nonsense). But I say certain things must be said, the implication by Sage that I deserved all I got when Hank Marvin (formally of the Shadows Rock n roll group) manhandled me in an inappropriate manner. Whether he meant to damage my bats-wing is another story. The mere fact that he did is the appropriate question. I was sore for weeks after the said encounter and Sage found that to be humorous. My mind was scarred by his inane laughter. So much so that I had to call in the wonderful healing mind control artist Paul McKenna…

Now it must also be pointed out that Sage called Cliff Richard a limp wrister… Not good, for Cliff did have his share of ladies in the fifties and sixties. The fact that he doesn’t do the deed anymore is not a good enough reason for Sage to pillory him. Sage thinks that he has got away with the gross attack on his sexuality, but I know differently. For all Cliff’s early love interests are ganging up as we speak. The fact of the matter is they are going to picket the studio on Sage’s next show. I have it on good authority that Trevor Sorbi (the well known Hairdresser) of that particular period in history has run out of blue rinses. The fact of the matter is that all Cliff’s fans have decided to help with the protest and the shortage of blue rinses has reached epidemic proportions… Like it was an episode of Spooks and Harry has to find the blue rinse or chaos will ensue. But the fact of the matter is most Essex Salons have ordered more. I suppose we will have to have a word with the Iranians. But it does show that the blue rinse brigade are still willing to support the aged rock star. Just one more point to make with regard the old rocker that is Sir Cliff… He is going to do a big tour celebrating fifty years in show business. And in a wonderful gesture to his loyal lady fans he has imported a bulk consignment of blue rinses from Papa New Guinea. This is because of the national shortage of the wonderful product. The kindness of others, Cliff really does have a way with people. So in his concert tour he will be singing the ‘Millennium prayer’ naked as the blue rinse brigade with lighters in the air sway left and right. It will be like a thunder storm of blue rinse pensioners as they become wet for the very last time as the cobwebs are washed away and the Lords Prayer rises in the aether.

It must be said that Sage is under a lot of stress at this moment in time and he says that it is all down to me. Well, hello? If that’s the case, why is Van-Strapon suing Sage for defamation of character? The fact is that Sage had made some sort of reference to Van-Strapon`s youthful indiscretions with the youngsters. You say it Sage, then you have to live with the fallout!… he will learn one day…

Psychic false teethJust one more reference to Mrs. Webb’s false teeth and the real reason behind my not returning them. Well let me make a proviso with regard that particular emphasis. The truth is that I will return the magic teeth when certain metaphysical actions have been implemented. That is, when we have found Syeed`s head. For as you are well aware of by now, he semi combusted and his singed body parts were sent to me by post by Fed Ex. The thing is Josi Van-Strapon the ‘medium extra ordinaire’ has been having dreams of a headless Syeed`s roaming the Earth looking for his lost head like Vivian from the Young Ones. So you see why Mrs.Webb’s false teeth are essential for contacting the spirit world. There have been lots of strange stories with regard the disappearance of the head but find it we must! Syeed can then rest in peace under the umbrella of Islam… Oswald Mosley who is on the other side has promised to help.
This he feels will prove that he has mellowed. The way he sees it Oswald is that if he can be seen helping an Islamic suicide bomber get to the other side (Paradise as it were) then it will show that he has turned the corner from fascist lunatic into liberal madman. “Give Quiche a Chance” is his slogan, stolen from Arnold Rimmer of Red Dwarf fame… I don’t get the reference but Oswald was a fan of the Red Dwarf.

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One Response

  1. lol great funny blog keep it up!

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