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167. A Sign Of The Times-Digging In The Delta!

Posted on: November 2nd, 2013 by Colonel Crabtree-Smythe No Comments

Hello ladies and gentlemen the clocks have finally gone back and I for one am pleased that winter has us all by the balls once again.It gives me a chance an opportunity even to try out my new seasonal attire. I like it as the nights draw in early the lamplights shine and the shadows creep over autumn leaves. You see I plan to do a bit of old fashioned ripping this year to coincide with Halloween and Bomb-fire night. Remember remember the fifth of November and all that. I wish to spread a bit of fear and terror around the old Eastend this year and you wont believe its me I will be unrecognisable like Bruce Springsteen in my brilliant disguise. I will keep all the cretins on their toes somewhat as they will never be sure when I will strike again just like my brother Wilfred AKA – The Bum Bandit Of Westminster Bridge who has now taken to disguising himself as mixed martial artist Colin -Freakshow-Fletcher which is a turn up for the holy books and definitely a difficult one to fathom.It will be trick treat or a rope round the neck and dragged down to The Prospect of Whitby to be strung up outside for castration.I feel it is important that just before the season of goodwill to frighten the shit out of Londoners so as to make people realise that life is precious and should not be taken for granted because in the prophetic words of Chas Hodges of the famous Outlaws. “We are going head to head with the undead!”

You see I managed recently to get hold of a top hat,some white gloves,a cape and I have dug out my old first world war bayonet which I have given a good sharpening to and feel it will do a pretty good job as a murder weapon double up so to speak. I wont be going after ladies of the night like my predecessor I shall be out murdering those who have been murdering us slowly but surly. I wish to kill the evil doers like I was an Eastend Dexter in a trench coat. I shall start with an estate agent then I will do in a banker followed by an arms dealer and a chap from a mining company all culminating with the slashing of our famed London Mayor.

I will display his body like an art instillation inspired by Francis Bacon it will be very Damien Hurst all flies blood and rotting flesh spread on the alter of Hawksmoors Christ Church in Spitalfields one of the six so to speak. It will be an extreme spectacle and I hope my point is made as injuries will be on show. It will be a little bit of murder, a little bit of mystery. A little bit of the unforeseen and maybe a little bit in-between. Cos I’m Jack and I’m back so don’t look back cos I live in a shack and I’ve got a dirty mack I’ve just sat on a tic tac, good job it wasn’t a drawing pin as that would have been a gory end to my story.

You want ghosts and ghouls do you? Devils and demons is it? I for one am here to tell you that they are here in the now running our world. The demons run a mock and the devils are in the kitchen and they must be exposed like Sir Jimmy Saville.

It is a sign of the times it’s a thriller good people we can not carry on like this are we not human beings? We must all come out of the closet and demand change we must work together as a team and stop digging in the delta for answers. We must come to a consensus people. I mean we could all pack up and move to Scotland and vote for independence. There are other ways just ask Michael-The Garbage Warrior-Reynolds. He will show you other roads other ways of thinking and tell you point blank that we have been banging our heads against the wall for too long like a worshiping Jew hoping that it will all turn out well in the end.Well I for one am tired of banging my head against the wall. As I have a bump the size of of one of Kate Moss’s tits upon my head. Nothing grand but enough to be getting on with you understand my predicament.

Now you must excuse me ladies and gentlemen I have been at the Brandy this evening and I am “four part olivered” as Albert Steptoe would say. In other words I’m pissed and I’m now worried that I may well have given too much away regarding my cleaning up of the streets like I was Travis Bickle on a bus, in a tube, in his cab. Who knows, I’m only trying to join in with the winter festivities. I’m not a fan of the winter wonderland I find it to be a rip off and I don’t really plan to take lives… I’m not a monster… I just want to make a point. It is Halloween after all so don’t be sending the flying squad round just because you think you have over heard something you didn’t like I don’t fancy being bundled into the back of a black maria.I mean this is not an American Werewolf in London is it? Where you will have me shot and then you film me naked on the floor bleeding from many holes twitching as my spirit exits my body. I really should turn this thing off as I have just got an erection!

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