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8. Stephen Spielberg

Posted on: January 20th, 2008 by Colonel Crabtree-Smythe No Comments

Come to the CabaretAs you are aware by now, I do sometimes give vent to my feeling toward Steven Spielberg and the total lack of musicality in his Films. The fact that Lisa Minnelli could have livened up his film on the Holocaust. I do have the famous chair itself but he declined my offer to lend it to the production at the time and decided to have little red riding hood make an appearance. Crazy man that Stephen is, I mean that in the positive sense…

Steven Hawkins: The SplashTalking of chairs… and I was… I mention in my memoirs the bounder that is Steven Hawkins and how I pushed him in the BBC swimming pool. I tell you this so that you know all the elements of that particular happening and can come to your own conclusions. Sage, I must say, found the sight of Hawkins rolling around naked at poolside in his own faeces hilarious yet disturbing at the same time. As I say… Sage confused to the very end. This is something that I omitted from the memoirs. Steven Hawkins is a great swimmer and only pretends inadequacy for effect and sympathy. There are rumours that I stole his chair. This is not so, he gave it to me. He said that the mechanism was faulty…it was a swap…I gave him my flippers…given to me by the celebrated diver of fifties Hans Hass.

I must mention the standard of singers on Sages shows…if you remember there was the Sid Pollard incident… the fact is, he tried to attack Sage with a large Swede. Sage said that he was rushing me, but it was himself that Pollard was after. Where on Gods earth does Sage get these people from? Whatever happened to the Black and White Minstrels?… a wonderful collective of finely honed talent… just one proviso is the excellent Nobby Lasseter and his Spaceman song…

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