weekly comedy podcasts - subscribe

98. A Tailoring Toil

Posted on: December 6th, 2009 by Colonel Crabtree-Smythe 3 Comments

Moving sidneyshitshimselfon yet again ladies and good people… I feel that you must have gathered by now my friends that I am not a complete admirer of the vicious side of the brothers Kray… Yes I know they had their naughty side but to be fair we shared some enlightening moments in the sixties – in the Stork Club and the Log Cabin. But, what I will say is this without contradiction…I am disgusted by Sage for not speaking up or out when told by Ronald that he (Ron that is) had frightened Sidney Lefcovitch the old East end tailor almost to death…

I mean – to scare him so much so that Sidney released a rather large pellet of waste that rolled under the furniture, well it’s not on… it’s hellish and diabolical to make a grown man shit himself with fear – and to ruin a fine pair of Saville Row trousers. Like I say; it’s hell born but even worse to find humour in the event! I mean Sage thought it was funny that an old man had done a poo in his pants. He laughed out loud, and then called Sidney a Jewish hoodwinker to boot… Bloody awful terminology without motivation of any kind… just nastiness… but that is the way Sage is.

It’s a sad state of affairs when the host of a well to do show joins in the nasty attacks on a brave prisoner of war escapee and mocks the Jewish problems in such a way that offends all and sundry and motivates Alan Sugar away from his motza breakfast and down to the studio in irate mode protesting against the treatment a fine Jewish tailor.

Even stephenfry-twitterStephen Fry (another member of the Jewish fraternity) stopped Twittering for five minutes, left his home and headed down to the Chit a Chat studios for a confrontation… but all I know is that Faye Featherlite was able to compose and sooth Stephen with his own form of twittering…And Stephen fully aroused by Featherlite’s sexual Tweets sadly lost his balance fell over and snapped his arm… But all this is by the bye for it seemed on the surface that Sage understood and sympathised with Ronnie Kray with regard the kidnapping of the wonderful football manger Laurie Sanchez…. who as we know had purchased the old suits of the Krays in good faith from an auction. As I say Sage; shame on you for being an alibi for Ron on the day Sanchez went missing… but all I can say is this… regardless of what you say Sage the truth regarding those infamous suits will now come out. For the real reason why Ron was so worried about the whereabouts of his old apparel was what was secreted within the stitching. And Sage, let me add you are now an accessory after the fact and could face a heavy prison sentence for the murder and disposing of the remains of Frank Mitchell. I mean Sage, I’m no grass but you’re out of your depth you should have hunted down Nipper Read and given yourself up or at least the information that you had on your person.

Poor Sidney had to sew the remnants of the unfortunate Frank Mitchell into the shoulder pads of the said suits – under duress! The truth is out there so let it be known so that Frank Mitchell can rest in peace.

Barbara Windsor has said she would happily bury what remains of the unfortunate one in her garden shed next to her pet Labrador Parson… it’s not funny Sage, all I can say is; stop laughing at other peoples misfortune and tell Ron to free Sanchez… we all know it was him with the yellow duster on his head.

Colonel's signature

Be Sociable, Share!


3 Responses

  1. Neil Tennant says:

    Hello people,
    I would just like to say ‘Go West’ was a big hit for us and I think your remix nedds a little bit of work, but I like the idea…..of fisting that is. ;)

    Love Neil xxx

  2. If indeed the one above is Mr Neil Tennant of the esteemed Pet Shop Boys i must say that i enjoyed Faye featherlite`s remix of the wonderful “Go West” and was insipred to go out to Soho and act upon its lyrical suggestion… My word what a shock…I`ve never been in so much pain … i havent sat for weeks… However, in saying that i may give it another go… Much love The Colonel x

  3. think your remix nedds a little bit of work, but I like the idea.thanks

Leave a Reply