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88. The Hoff

Posted on: August 9th, 2009 by Colonel Crabtree-Smythe No Comments

Is this the last time?… And kipper ties…

Now I will show you that I am not totally biased against the man that that is Mackorkadale. Yes, I am very worried about Sage. Let me explain… now you know of my attitude to the wonderful David Haselhoff a man amongst men in my book and he the Hoff (as some men call him) wants to be on Sage’s show…

Innocent enough I say. Yes – he the Hoff  wants to talk of his plans to sing his freedom song on the Great Wall of China. His idea is that he should strip down to his underpants (his tighty whiteys as he call them). The pant will have the title of his song ‘Freedom’ on the back and then on the front of the Y-front it would say ‘stick this up your ass’. The Hoff will be hoping for a gathering crowd. He wants to bring back memories of the old days in Germany. But Sage says it would be an empty gesture in the current climate… what with the issues in Palestine and their repressive wall. and that the great wall of China is currency to the Chinese… any thoughts of bringing down the Great Wall is regarded as sacrilege in thought and deed…

Sage, oh Sage it would not happen as you imagine. It is what we as intellectuals call symbolic protest. Germaine Greer said that she would like to be involved because after being on the show Big Brother she feels that she has lost her credibility as a freedom fighter. She says she will wave her knickers in the air to prove that she does have balls after all… And my word she does have a great pair of danglers…  As a final point on the matter – Hoff said he would ‘teabag’ her in front of the swelling crowd if the event went ahead. Wonderful I say – But like I say – I understand Sage’s concerns and sympathise with him. I also know that dear Mick McCarthy wants to be part of the freedom extravaganza and said that he would do the ‘Kipper tie twist’ naked… wearing only his famous Kipper tie. All this on top of The Great Wall Of China  while saying that if all the world could see the beauty of Kipper tie politics, peace in the Middle East could move from being a dream and fantasy to a kipper tie wearing reality. I tend to think Mick has a point although Haselhoff has threatened to cut our Kipper tie hero with a Stanley Knife if he comes within ten feet of the Great Wall.

So as usual ego gets in the way of true evolution and I feel Haselhoff needs to leave his ego and Stanley knife at the gates. I think Haselhoff is missing the true point of the freedom dance extravaganza and I feel that Mick McCarthy is being slighted and his visionary talents dismissed.

Poor Mickey Wicky I say….

Now before I leave on my lecture tour with Christopher Hitchens I would just like to inform you of my latest findings regarding Sage as a youngster…

The underlying question regarding the glass table debauchery: that is a young man pinching out a turd on top of a glass table for Lord Boothby. All I can say is that the mystery has been solved, from my point of view anyway. It seems that a sordid photo has come to light with regard the said incident and I would ask Sage whose little Gaylord Crimson shorts are they that are on a stool in the far corner of the room?  You may well ask – how do I know that they were a Gaylord short?… well! I have had the said area blown up by MFI and the label is for all to see, so you can’t blame Les Dennis for that-can you?…
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