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12. The Russians

Posted on: January 20th, 2008 by Colonel Crabtree-Smythe 1 Comment

Sage Sage says he not a fan of the cricket and to me that says it all about him. He says his favourite films are ‘Billy Elliot’, ‘Gilbert Grape’ and ‘My Own Private Idaho’. That makes a lot of sense once you’ve met Sage, for he seems to be a very open ended chap and a fan of Baden Powell`s politics. A man of the sway and in the long run I feel that when he comes to terms with those aspects of his nature he won’t shy away from buggery. He will embrace it and that is all you can ask. And another thing; I wish that Sage would refrain from his attacking our German Cousins. Even on coming back from his holiday he was on about them stealing his deck chair. He said that they had not learned their lessons from the war years.
He called them ‘murdering, hateful, deck chair stealing, demons’. I told him in no uncertain terms to hold up, calm himself and refrain from such a harsh rant and that he should put his penis away for Jurgen Klansmen was in the green room at the time (and I know that Klansman can be very sensitive about such bias attacks).

Gary BarlowI do fear that the Russians, the Russian Bear as it were, is on the rise again. It seems to me that I get the blame for everything. I have been accused of sending Gary Barrow (the lead singer of Take Pratt fame)… yes I have been accused of sending him to Russia in a drug induced state! And that he was parcelled up for Putin! I refute that. The truth is much simpler. Barrow was a sex addict and I had him sent to Otis Van Strapon for treatment… And I must tell you a truth that may or may not shock you; the real reason for Robbie Williams’s flight from Take Pratt was the effervescents of Barrow in relation to Robbie’s left leg… well yes, you’ve guessed it… he (that is Barrow) would grip the beleaguered Williams. Yes… he would work himself off with a violent canine accord, leaving the repressed Robbie with a limp and a dry-cleaning bill that only a mother could love (and pay for). But as time and touring passed Williams could take no more of Barrow’s hideous onslaughts… although Barrow insisted that he wasn’t aroused and hadn’t been for years. Needless to say Robbie scampered away with his tail between his legs and with stained trousers. But, I must add; when the cold weather gets to Robbie you can see that limp till this day. Now Barrow will not like me saying this, but, it is relevant to Sage’s accusation… the accusation being that I hideously tortured Barrow. This is not true. This was down to Vanstrapon using electrodes and probes to cure the sexual athlete that was Barrow from his addiction. I am not sure that it has worked though because if you look closely you will see that two of the newly formed Take Pratt walk with a slight limp.

A small if not passionate point to make is that I love thunder storms and I told Sage this as he sat there in a silly paper hat with a picture of Jo Guest flashing her breasts. Although I must say I was feeling very ill on this particular day (It was because of the festivities and celebrations for New Year) but what made it worse was that Sage kept on touching me in inappropriate places. It’s hard to know if it was meant, but that is for another day. I think he is sick in the head.

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One Response

  1. Crenthorpe says:

    Smythe you are a cad you always were – And i will get that money no matter what you say !!!!

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