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118. While the Watcher watches you…

Posted on: October 17th, 2010 by Colonel Crabtree-Smythe No Comments

My David Cameron, Nick Clegg cartoondear friends, it would appear that Sage has changed in human terms, one might say that he has changed for the worse, but as far as the New World Order is concerned he is a Bilderberg Prince… and you may well ask why? … How this could be? Well ladies, gentlemen, homosexuals and lesbians alike I shall try to enlighten you… Spill the proverbial beans as it were and squeeze the juice out of the lemon. Sage really is the quintessential secret lemonade drinker , a point I made in an earlier part of my memoir. What is a clandestine lemonade drinker? Well as explained earlier – It is a loose term for a sexual gathering of the clans, people like the notorious Lenny Henry the famed and celebrated hotel sales person who is known as a sexual deviant and thruster while wearing his N-word Jim pyjamas. The truth about Lenny is that he can fit two lemons up his bottom without even a squelch. Now the point about Lenny Henry is that he was never funny, but he is dangerous and Sage is scared stiff of the man.

So allow me to explain how all this fits together my dears… As you may well be aware the overweight nutter that is Henry has left his true love Dawn French. He was heard to say that “she has grown a set of udders after eating too many cow pies” and he has also been heard to say that she is “getting olde and past her prime and truth be told she has out grown me.” And if you didn’t know already… Lenny hates old people. This became apparent when I overheard him say that “Dawns udders he could have lived with, because they were like secondary breasts, and whilst lying on top of her adequate fleshy parts he could fondle those secondary milk wollopers with a tribal relish and think of England, but of late, in the light, he saw that instead of being in full bloom they had become a wrinkled mess,” and as he said to Sage, “good full udders were bearable, but those sagging wrinkled deflated udders were a bridge too far”. He added that “looking at the wrinkled mess between her adequate thighs made him feel like what Richard Branson must’ve felt when his barrage balloon came down in a far flung place,” and being the ageist that Lenny Henry is, he left Dawn, udders and all.

Now my friends you may well ask where does Sage come into all this, well if you haven’t gathered by now Sage and Lenny are indeed secret lemonade drinkers, and along with Cameron and his head boy Nick Clegg they all have issues with old people who they think are no more than worthless scroungers.

So they want to raid the old peoples homes and look for their hidden cash reserves (the so called under the mattress monies), whatever next you may well ask? Well they have already started procedures with regard to lessening their pensions, and they have also asked Bert and Fred – the well known Chelsea Pensioners – to come out of retirement and work as hod carriers for the local building firm as this will (as far as they are concerned )… will set a precedence, I beseech thee… Those men are both in their nineties for Christs sake and have fought twice in world wars for their county, but still the powers that be want to squeeze the last drop of juice out of their aged bodies and I know Lenny Henry is the man who has been given the job of putting them to task.

I must add that I know for a fact that it is personal with Lenny because he says he remembers seeing Burt and Fred in the audience when Lenny was in the black and white minstrel show in 1975, and he claims he saw them applauding and cheering when Lenny sang his versions of Paul Robeson’s ‘Olde Man River’, ‘Way Down Upon The Swanee River’, and a version of ‘Man Of Constant Sorrow,’ Lenny wants reparations and I know Sage Macorkadale is with him all the way. This is because Lenny Henry has threatened Sage with violence much like the violent out burst we see from Lenny in his now famed Shining rip-off hotel advertisement.

Whatever next you may well ask? Perhaps they will have us dig up a few bodies and stick them on that plinth in Trafalgar Square and use them to scare off the pigeons, I know that Ken Livingston (the former mayor of London) will be in full agreement and this will be one of his main policies when he tries to wrestle the job back off Boris of Johnson.

Now ladies and gentlemen I know that most of you think that Sage Macorkadale is the cat’s whiskers, well I know different … And as im sure you are aware by now Sage claims that I am an anti-Semite – such nonsense I say… not so. For a start my mother is Jewish, I like money, I have read Silas Marner by George Elliot, I played Fagin in Wales with a true ensemble cast and I love gefilte fish, stuffed cabbage, tzimmes brisket and more.

As normal, it is Sage who is the problem, and has the problem, not I, because he is the one who rubs his nose when we mention the Jewish fraternity on the radio show. I know that they are raging like a bull in Stamford Hill.

Finally, I would just like to add that Sage tells me that I have missed the point when I say that the wonderful song by Adrian Bellboy and his band The Biloxi Blues is about loss of freedom, the song being called ‘The Watcher’ and all. It all seems to me to be self-evident so on and so forth. I say it’s all in the name… as it were… and that we are all being watched.

Sage said that Adrian Bellboy should have embraced the master of ceremonies Simon Cowell and gone on his show The X Factor and shoved a lemon up his arse. So there we have the proof of Sage’s inadequacies and stupidity – that is it in a nutshell. Sage really is a secret lemonade drinker, does he not realize that these people are the devil’s aides like the spreading virus itself, like those loose women on TV, like that ponce pratt Kris Marshall from the BT ads, too much sugar not enough spice. Now he, Kris Marshall needs to die, he is vermin, worse than a rat, Kris Marshall my word what a piece of work he is, I would hang him upside down, draw and quarter the fucker and feed him to the Lions in London Zoo. Now that would be something to phone home about.

Talking of the Loose Women – I do believe that they now have come out in sympathy for the beleaguered Dawn French and have asked her onto their show to bitch about men and the fact that they are so awful. So what with Dawn’s wrinkled udders and Jane MacDonald’s sagging breasts with her solitary hairy nipple, they really will be loose women, bunch of bastards one and all, slaves and court jesters blind and unaware, but the money is good so who cares that little brown and yellow people are being abused and killed by the cart load?

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