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112. Truman Capote

Posted on: June 27th, 2010 by Colonel Crabtree-Smythe No Comments

I haveTruman Capote cartoon to say it seems to me ladies and gentleman an impossible task to be kind to Sage because every time I start to think fondly of him something comes up to spoil the fine sentiments that I feel toward the man that is Sage Macorkadale. Point is, after much tugging my penis goes limp, a nebulous metaphor but I am sure you follow my train of thought. I mean to say that only the other day he insulted my intelligence by suggesting that the great man and freedom fighter Fanshaw Candelabra was an Uncle Tom and that by keeping his slave name for all these years made a mockery of all the fine revolutionaries throughout history.

Well Sage all I can say on this subject is that you must be the only person out there who did not pick up Fanshaws A.N.C connections and his love of the film Zulu, I mean – have you not seen his Michael Caine poster that he hangs proudly above his bed in his township mud hut? One point I feel Sage is missing is the mere fact that he Fanshaw is the cousin of Nelson Mandela himself. The point was as far as the Boars were concerned Fanshaw was easy meat, they could treat him like the village idiot like their “little black butler” as they called him whilst he (in clandestine fashion) passed messages onto the freedom fighters of the day.

However. It is said by the elders that the Boars would laugh when Fanshaw would put feathers up his arse and dance around in Zulu fashion for their entertainment. Truth is ladies and gentlemen – Candelabra was the epitome of a real Sir Percy Blakeney… a Scarlet Pimpernel of the jungle… a powdered feathered fop of a man, and every one who was connected to the fight for freedom will understand the reasoning behind him keeping his slave name, because truth be told it reminds him and them of their days of trial. Forgiveness is one thing but Fanshaw Candelabra has vowed never to forget how those Boars treated him and his black brethren.

Now I shall tell a tale of lies deceit and foolish indiscretion on Sages part. Some of you will remember that Sage had the journalist and fiction writer Truman Capote on his show. No doubt it was interesting when Truman told us all of how he managed to gleam the background information of the two killers for his book ‘In Cold Blood’. The fact of the matter was Capote lived the story and allowed it to seep into his blood like any great journalist should. He went to Kansas where the savage murders had taken place and of course where he could get close to the people of the county. It would seem Capote was able to mix with friends and family alike with a mix of charm and wit and this of course made his book In Cold Blood all the more interesting and indeed compelling. Point is – Sage (stimulated by the way Capote worked) was (and is) under the illusion that he too is a Journalist of consequence and after much thought and deliberation felt that it would be prudent to go and visit Rose West’s birth place in Barnstable in Devon, where he was attacked by a farmer who threatened to rape him. Sage naturally fled. Not one to give up easily Sage then visited Gloucester where upon he was badly beaten up by reactionary locals for asking too many questions whilst wearing a floppy hat with matching smock. He was also seen to be chewing straw under lamplights. This he felt would help to ingratiate himself with the locals, but truth is he ended up getting his collar felt by P.C Strachan where he was booked and charged for loitering with intent, like I say he has no tact and did nothing but to drive a wedge between he and the indigenous populous. So, never to be beaten down it was at this point he decided to make the trip to Durham to see Rose West in the flesh. Sage at this point felt that a visit with her at HMP Low Newton Durham would help him truly get the low down on the killer and help with his journalistic ambitions.

All I can say to this is what an arse you are, and I ask categorically where is the book Sage? Visiting Rose West indeed!… did you really think you could impress Truman Capote this way?

However, all this said, Sage has learned nothing “he is not a journalist” just leave it Sage let it go. You have no talent as a journalist, but no… he wont leave well alone because the bell is ringing again, something else has registered in Sage’s mind. I know… it makes the heart sink, it would appear that he only wants to make a film of Fanshaw Candelabra’s life, his loves and why it is that he hates the size of his manhood. I mean, really Sage…

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