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58. Who started the Second World War?

Posted on: October 5th, 2008 by Colonel Crabtree-Smythe 2 Comments

Heather Mills cartoonWhen I inferred that I may have helped start the Second World War it was a loose term, but I would like to add that there would appear to be more to the escapade than I first thought. Yes it would seem that the Japanese solder that I thought I had killed under the Marco Polo Bridge had lived to tell the tale. The man had recognized my picture in a newspaper after I was caught and arrested in a local park – undercover importuning: a lie in its entirety for I was caught short. Yes, I was fiddling with my long johns… I needed a shit, I couldn’t get them down and the rest is history. All thanks to the local park keeper – a real jobs worth! Yes, the Jap chap recognized me whilst he was recovering in a hospital bed and he being the Emperor’s nephew made the connection! Well the resentment towards the English and the Empire was made manifest by that one singular act. So, yes, some might say that it was my bats wing that indirectly caused the waring factions, and as I say, this singular outrage could have brought the Japanese into the Second World War… but, like I say, any olde excuse… bloody Japs always at it…tugging.

1966 World Cup Cartoon

I would also like to add that it would seem that Sage believes that I bribed the Russian linesman in the 1966 World Cup Final. He says that I promised the Russian a sexual favor by way of a golden dildo. Not so Sage! For as explained earlier I was licking ice cream off my lips. Sage thinks that I was giving Vladimir obscene gestures. This was (as intimated by Sage) the reason for that contested goal. I will deny this until the day I die and the fact that Vladimir was to develop a twitch and was to go into fits whenever a person was eating a Tutti Fruity Ice cream anywhere near him… well it has not a jot to do with me. So get over it Vladimir! It’s not my fault that you can’t take a joke and you got parkinsons. I wish you’d frozen at Stalingrad with all the controversy you have caused… Every four years – same olde thing: Did the ball cross the line?…

Why won’t the current England football team win something and then we can forget all about it!

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2 Responses

  1. >> Yes it would seem that the Japanese soldier that I thought I had killed under the Marco Polo Bridge had lived to tell the tale.

    Well, darn it! You should have made sure to finish him off – smothered his face with your underarm smell or stuffed your dirty socks in his mouth.

    Did you realise how inconvenient WW2 was? All those favourite TV shows people were forced to miss …

  2. Very interesting to read your blog, Colonel Crabtree-Smyth! I accidently stumbled onto this blog and found the caricatures and web design appealing. So, I went through this page. It is so cool. I appreciate your writing; you seem to be having a humor in spite of all the past. Keep going and inspire people with views. Great job on the pictures, look and feel of the web page.

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